The Secret of Life

Posted on September 10, 2011 by sharonclark

My cell phone’s ringtone is a song by James Taylor, “Secret O’ Life” and when it rang this morning it reminded me of the meaning of its lyrics. They tell us that the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time…sounds simple doesn’t it?

For me, enjoying the passage of time means that we can learn to embrace life as we move through time. When we are grieving, we tend to hold onto memories, emotions, and feelings from when our loved one was with us, for we feel that is all we have left of them.

But, we really have more than that; we simply need to look in our heart to feel the love that lives outside time. So, when we get bogged down in grief and hold onto what was, perhaps we can move to a place where we can touch the love that we feel right now and release some of our sadness.

The song’s lyrics also invite us to view life as a “lovely ride”, and as such we should enjoy the ride and anticipate what’s around the next bend, and occasionally remember with fondness and love what’s also behind us. Most importantly though is to be present with where you are, and what you are feeling at THIS moment in time. For NOW is all we have in the dimension of time.

We really are simply passengers on our “lifeboat” as we move through the waters of time, touching lives, feeling joy and sadness, sharing love and then allowing time’s passage to carry us in its arms to our next destination–while enjoying the passage of time.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Pressing “PAUSE”

Posted on July 24, 2011 by sharonclark

As I was shopping yesterday, the store was filled by the loud cries of an unhappy toddler; I couldn’t see why she was so distressed, but her sobs were filled with passion and unyielding. She was inconsolable it seemed. Her cries were so constant that I wondered how she was actually managing to breathe through her sobs. After several minutes, her crying stopped, and as her mother pushed her to the aisle to check-out, I could see that she was clutching a new toy; the diversion needed to break her emotional pattern.

As I watched this unfold, it triggered the thought that many times this is exactly how we feel when we experience grief…inconsolable…caught up in the sheer wave of emotions, feeling our loss and locked into an emotional pattern that we ourselves can’t easily break. Like the little child, we need a “diversion” to interrupt our outpouring.

When our world has been turned upside down and our emotional grounding moved off center, many times we don’t even know how to respond because we are “inexperienced” about the emotion of grief. Our other emotions, e.g., love, joy, anger, are usually pretty well-developed through simply living our daily lives. We exercise these emotional muscles on a regular basis through our relationship with others. We’ve learned how to cope.

But this isn’t so true of the emotion of grief. Of course we have all felt some components of grief—sadness, loss, hurt—since we were babies, and have developed some coping mechanisms as a result. But until you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one, you probably haven’t felt the full emotional spectrum that is grief. Nor do we have an innate coping tool as to know how to deal with the complex array of emotions we may feel.

Sometimes when we’re caught up in this wave of emotions, seemingly inconsolable and not knowing how to cope, we can press the “PAUSE” button.

Using the guided meditations in The Grief Interlude Series can help you do that. It offers a way to step out of your grieving and step into a place of rest…just for a while. It allows you the opportunity to “break the circuit”, to catch your breath, and to gain some time to restore. To help you regain your footing, to find your center and to focus on the emotion that will help you make your way through the grief: love.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Resolute in New Beginnings

Posted on January 14, 2011 by sharonclark

Each New Year, we are encouraged to make resolutions in order to start fresh, when we actually have this same opportunity to embrace new beginnings each day.

When we are grieving, we have choices—although sometimes it doesn’t feel that way. Grief can hold us so close in its embrace that it’s difficult for us to resist, to turn away, to feel any hope or remember any love. But, if we remain resolute…which means purposeful, determined, unwavering…in our belief in the love we shared and that we are ready to move from our place of sadness, we will invite the potential for an awareness; a stirring; a new beginning that emerges from the darkness. A new beginning that may be as faint as the sliver of morning just before sunrise.

While you never planned to be here. . . alone. . .you have a choice. You can choose to reach out to a new beginning, or remain locked in grief’s embrace. Grounded in your feeling of having loved, you can find your center within that stillness of aloneness. You will never be lonely within that center for you are always surrounded by the knowing that a new day, a new beginning awaits you.

It’s your choice–reach out to a new beginning and the promise of a new you.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Grieving a Loss…Celebrating a Life

Posted on December 12, 2010 by sharonclark

Last Friday night, I sat with my grandson and family at a candlelight memorial service where he was remembering both his Grandfather and his Father. It was a gathering of about 50-75 people that was hosted by a local children’s grief group. My grandson has been participating in the group following the unexpected death of his father two years ago when he was 12. The group facilitator invited each participant to come to the front of the room and share whatever they were comfortable saying about their loved one.

It was both comforting & heart-wrenching as I listened to each family. I was struck by the varied timeframes: one daughter was remembering her Dad who had died ten years ago, and one wife with four small children was raw with grief only a week old. As I listened to her sob his name, and saw the shock that held the children still as she spoke, I could only hope that somehow they would be able to survive this Holiday Season.

I’ve often said that “grief is not linear”, and the time & distance from the death doesn’t dictate the quality nor intensity of our grief. I looked back at my blog post from last December, and had used the phrase “Grief doesn’t take a ‘holiday’ during the Holidays”; in fact, many times it becomes even more intense. Recalling family holiday traditions, and reliving our past when our loved one was still with us, inevitably happens and may make us sad they aren’t here with us for this Holiday. We replay family videos, whether literally or simply in our mind’s eye, reflecting upon happier times.

It may be difficult, but creating a new holiday tradition, one that can honor and include your loved one’s memory, can be healing for the entire family. Reliving fond memories, although bittersweet, can also evoke the feelings of joy & happy occasions you’ve shared. Our loved one is gone, but the love we’ve shared is still alive, and we can choose to be grateful for having had them in our lives. That focus on gratitude becomes the alchemy that may bring us some peace and allow us to celebrate their life, our shared history & love this Season. Remember, “fond memories make warm companions.”

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Compassionate Caregiving

Posted on November 23, 2010 by sharonclark

I was recently invited to share some of the details of my personal story as a caregiver in honor of National Family Caregivers Month. We were asked to speak about what we’ve learned because of our caregiving experience; why we’re okay now, and to talk about the work we’ve done that may help today’s family caregivers. In sharing some of what I’ve learned from my caregiving experience with my husband, I thought I would borrow from a current TV celebrity that you may be able to relate to & tell you “what I know for sure about caregiving”:

I know that it’s an act of love.

Without love, there would be no “care” in caregiving. This is the perfect time to let your loved one know how much richer your life has been because of them. You are forever linked by your shared history & love, and we know that love never dies.

I know that the old normal is gone, replaced by a new normal.

What was the normal case may not be at this time, but the “new” that replaces it can also reflect love & care. Sometimes crises help us to figure out what’s really important in life, so don’t overlook the lessons & experiences offered in your daily activities

I know that medical treatment can help manage the physical body & pain, but there are also emotional, mental & spiritual aspects to be considered as well.

In the flurry of activities surrounding treating the physical pain, don’t disregard the other equally important pain management for the whole being…both you & your loved one’s. It may not be easy, but discuss what you’re feeling with each other, and honor the emotions expressed—you will both feel supported by sharing.

I know that lovingly remembering “what was” & finding joy in “what is” was my lifeline.

Take time to remember what your life has been together—for memories can light the flame of joy in the midst of today’s reality. Create ways to find joy right now with your loved one…you will be able to cherish these gifts over & over again in the future.

I know that wrapping honor around your actions for your loved one brings comfort & consolation to you both.

In your busy actions as a caregiver, remember to let honor shape conversations as you weave it & good memories into what may be difficult caregiving tasks. Don’t let “busyness” overwhelm you and rob you of important opportunities to continue to demonstrate your love & care. Be present in what is happening right now.

I know that the “care” in caregiving means compassionate care for both you & your loved one.

It’s important to keep perspective & balance during your caregiving phase. I found that our home became a beehive of activity: friends & family visiting; hospice workers helping with my husband’s physical care. Only through being attuned to my husband’s needs was I able to keep the connection strong during the hubbub.

And, as a caregiver, you also need to give to yourself, or you won’t have the energy or resources to continue to give to your loved one. LET OTHERS HELP—graciously say “YES” to friends’ offers. Allow yourself to receive others’ gifts of kindness with love while allowing yourself some time out to re-energize. You may feel guilty if you’re not there 24 hrs a day, but without time away to restore yourself, you are doing a disservice to all.

I know that caregiving is often a “sacred passage”.

We never know what life will bring…and whatever the outcome, it will be a sacred & blessed journey because you traveled it together. My wish is that you stay strongly connected to your loved one, fully engaged in the experience & attuned to the source of your physical & spiritual strength.

And, lastly, I know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE

It may feel that way many times, but just as you have been providing compassionate care to your loved one, you can also receive compassionate care by reaching out to others & staying connected to your spiritual grounding.

You may tend to hide your emotions in order to continue to go on each day—I hid behind my “I’m fine” mask with family, friends & coworkers—but, I also know that giving yourself permission to feel your true emotions & being true to yourself during the journey is critically important, and ultimately these became the cornerstones for my own healing.

I know that finding my spiritual touchstone & helping my husband to remain connected to his offered the emotional grounding needed to maintain some sanity in the swirl of insanity around us. And, I truly found that by accepting the love, concern and care offered by others, I became OKAY.

So, I would like to leave you with the thought that through love, support, & GIVING AND RECEIVING compassionate care, I’m OKAY, and YOU will be, too.

Blessings to you,

Sharon Clark

Shedding Our Leaves

Posted on November 7, 2010 by sharonclark

As I walked in my neighborhood this lovely, autumn afternoon, I was struck by the abundance of leaves covering the lawns, with millions more left to detach and fall at a later time. It reminded me of the tears we shed when we grieve….so many have fallen, but it seems there’s always more waiting to spill forth as we are reminded of our loved one who isn’t there to enjoy the time with us.

I’ve used the quote “Grief is the residue that remains in our heart after the tears have dried on our face.” often—and it is true. Sometimes our grief isn’t apparent to others, and sometimes it isn’t uppermost in our awareness; but as many know, it has the ability to surface without notice nor preparation for the intensity it can carry.

One thing I have learned over the course of grieving is that without allowing ourselves the time to mourn and experience grief, we limit our ability to also feel our emotions fully. Through remembering our love, we can finally heal. Just as trees shed their leaves in autumn, they also experience a period of dormancy during the winter. If we compare this cycle to our grief journey, we also need a period of inactivity and introspection to prepare for a life without our loved one. Only as we finally discover ourselves “amidst the tears”, can we also see hope for a new life…the spring of our grieving period.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Surrounded by Love

Posted on October 9, 2010 by sharonclark

Finding our place and new “normal” may take a lot of introspection, energy and time. One thing I found is that it also involved re-creating my surroundings. Everyone handles loss differently—some find that by freezing their surroundings as they were when their loved one was with them is necessary to maintain some continuity. Others find that it’s important to create a new environment, surrounded by everything that is new.

Clearing my environment from lingering sadness and the energy of loss was important—not that it was easy, or even immediate, but for me necessary. I found that most of our “things” were too laden with old energy, and when I allowed myself to release some of my physical belongings, I was also able to release some of my pent-up feelings. Just as we are sometimes guilty of hoarding things, we can also be guilty of hoarding past emotions—ones that we’re not yet ready to bring out into the open, examine and process. Finding ways to release both old things and old emotions can be therapeutic as we navigate our way through grief.

Professional organizers use a system of “keep”, “donate”, and “throw away” when they work with clients to create a more organized space. Perhaps we can all take a lesson from their organizational skills and bring our stored emotions out and apply the same labels.

By sorting through some of our physical possessions and stored emotions, we can move toward creating a space where we feel surrounded by both the things we love and emotions we want to remember. May you feel some peace in finding the things and emotions that make you feel supported and surrounded by love.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Radio Interview

Posted on July 4, 2010 by sharonclark

We were recently interviewed on the internet radio show “Wisdom of the Labyrinth” & had the opportunity to share some of our story and information about The Grief Interlude Series set of CD’s. The link to take you to the radio show is: http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vepisode.aspx?aid=47078

(Please cut & paste it in your browser if it isn’t active when you click on it.)

I hope you’ll take some time to listen and share with others who might benefit from learning more about ways to help support their grief and the power of the labyrinth.

Thanks & blessings,

Sharon

The Power of Words…

Posted on June 28, 2010 by sharonclark

Earlier today I was thinking about words and how they have the power to transport us through our daily lives. Sometimes when we are grieving, we put up a protective barrier to help shield us from feelings because they are too painful, and we block some of the comforting “words” that may come our way.

While trying to avoid pain is understandable, I have found that words can be transformative; and if we allow them in, they can offer a framework for us to really “feel” our emotions. And through these experiences, we can begin to heal.

Words can open a door to a comforting setting; provide a peaceful interlude from our grieving. They can allow us to paint pictures in our mind and create a safe place to be with our grief; and within this safe place, we find a knowing that we will ultimately be OK.

Words also hold the power to change our physiological responses—and, in the process we can transform sorrow into fond memories where we can focus on our shared love, and not just on our loss.

Words hold the key that can unlock a new reality, and create a space where healing can enter and thrive. May you receive and welcome comforting words today.

Sharon Clark

Experience the Grief Interlude Series Meditations

www.griefinterlude.com

LOSS SURVIVOR Team Info

Posted on May 4, 2010 by sharonclark

We recently decided to assemble a team to participate in the St. Louis Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure that’s to be held on 6/12/10. Our team’s motto is “Be a Loss Survivor”! The inspiration for this came from our family’s loss of loved ones to cancer. Understandably, the focus of the race’s fundraising efforts is about becoming breast cancer survivors and celebrating that fact! Unfortunately, not everyone diagnosed with breast cancer survives, so our team is here to honor our loved ones who fought the battle but didn’t win. We want to encourage all those left behind to become “loss survivors” by celebrating the lives & love they shared with their loved ones. And, to help them find ways to navigate through their feelings of loss while on their grief journey.

It’s also about recognizing that there is loss on many levels when cancer enters a life; loss of time with your family, loss of energy to live your life fully, loss of some of your identity. And on the flip side of that, your loved ones’ loss of “you”; time not spent reading a bedtime story, not making a soccer game, not feeling intimate, not sharing time with friends. Loss of some engagement in life…the loss of “normal”.

Our family found that grief and loss are still misunderstood and seldom discussed topics in our society. Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them. But it seems that no one really wants to talk about it…it’s painful….they don’t know what to say…but just as we all love, we all lose loved ones. So instead of ignoring loss, let’s encourage meaningful dialogue; let’s provide support resources; let’s offer tools to help people cope with the grief and loss. Let’s find ways to get through it together in order to say: “I’m a Loss Survivor”!

Our team is comprised of members who have felt loss in some way—some of their loved ones survived, and others didn’t. This is simply an attempt to raise awareness that loss comes with cancer; unfortunately, sometimes that’s loss of life, but almost always there’s some loss of “you”. And, by acknowledging that loss, promoting dialogue and finding meaningful ways to support it, we can celebrate life and become “Loss Survivors”!

If you would like to make a donation, please go to: www.komenstlouis./race and choose the “Loss Survivors” team. We appreciate your support!

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

Grief Interlude

Guided Meditations to Healing

Tag Archives: health & wellness

The Secret of Life

Pressing “PAUSE”

Resolute in New Beginnings

Grieving a Loss…Celebrating a Life

Compassionate Caregiving

Shedding Our Leaves

Surrounded by Love

Radio Interview

The Power of Words…

LOSS SURVIVOR Team Info