The Secret of Life

Posted on September 10, 2011 by sharonclark

My cell phone’s ringtone is a song by James Taylor, “Secret O’ Life” and when it rang this morning it reminded me of the meaning of its lyrics. They tell us that the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time…sounds simple doesn’t it?

For me, enjoying the passage of time means that we can learn to embrace life as we move through time. When we are grieving, we tend to hold onto memories, emotions, and feelings from when our loved one was with us, for we feel that is all we have left of them.

But, we really have more than that; we simply need to look in our heart to feel the love that lives outside time. So, when we get bogged down in grief and hold onto what was, perhaps we can move to a place where we can touch the love that we feel right now and release some of our sadness.

The song’s lyrics also invite us to view life as a “lovely ride”, and as such we should enjoy the ride and anticipate what’s around the next bend, and occasionally remember with fondness and love what’s also behind us. Most importantly though is to be present with where you are, and what you are feeling at THIS moment in time. For NOW is all we have in the dimension of time.

We really are simply passengers on our “lifeboat” as we move through the waters of time, touching lives, feeling joy and sadness, sharing love and then allowing time’s passage to carry us in its arms to our next destination–while enjoying the passage of time.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Out of the dark…Renewed

Posted on April 17, 2011 by sharonclark

As Mother Nature sheds her winter’s coat, she dons a spring wardrobe of cherry blossoms & green grass…renewed. We, too, can emerge from a winter of grief, renewed and ready for new hope & beginnings that are offered by spring.

I was reminded last week of these assurances as I walked in a local park enjoying the new leaves & tulips blooming vividly, feeling the warmth of the sun on my shoulders. Just as the sun may disappear behind clouds, we are assured that it is still there, shining brightly, so too is our assurance that we can be renewed to shine again as well.

We are changed of course, given the loss of our loved one, but we can find new beginnings through Mother Nature’s example. Life is a series of cycles, some longer than others. The life force that exists that urges the flower above the soil to bloom at the right time of year is the same presence that connects our feelings of love to our loved one. Only the masks of fear, distrust, and hopelessness distort its eternal nature.

So, I encourage you to take a walk & connect with spring’s beauty, and absorb the hopefulness around you. You, too, can emerge from grief’s darkness and feel a sense of renewal.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

4/17/11

Grieving a Loss…Celebrating a Life

Posted on December 12, 2010 by sharonclark

Last Friday night, I sat with my grandson and family at a candlelight memorial service where he was remembering both his Grandfather and his Father. It was a gathering of about 50-75 people that was hosted by a local children’s grief group. My grandson has been participating in the group following the unexpected death of his father two years ago when he was 12. The group facilitator invited each participant to come to the front of the room and share whatever they were comfortable saying about their loved one.

It was both comforting & heart-wrenching as I listened to each family. I was struck by the varied timeframes: one daughter was remembering her Dad who had died ten years ago, and one wife with four small children was raw with grief only a week old. As I listened to her sob his name, and saw the shock that held the children still as she spoke, I could only hope that somehow they would be able to survive this Holiday Season.

I’ve often said that “grief is not linear”, and the time & distance from the death doesn’t dictate the quality nor intensity of our grief. I looked back at my blog post from last December, and had used the phrase “Grief doesn’t take a ‘holiday’ during the Holidays”; in fact, many times it becomes even more intense. Recalling family holiday traditions, and reliving our past when our loved one was still with us, inevitably happens and may make us sad they aren’t here with us for this Holiday. We replay family videos, whether literally or simply in our mind’s eye, reflecting upon happier times.

It may be difficult, but creating a new holiday tradition, one that can honor and include your loved one’s memory, can be healing for the entire family. Reliving fond memories, although bittersweet, can also evoke the feelings of joy & happy occasions you’ve shared. Our loved one is gone, but the love we’ve shared is still alive, and we can choose to be grateful for having had them in our lives. That focus on gratitude becomes the alchemy that may bring us some peace and allow us to celebrate their life, our shared history & love this Season. Remember, “fond memories make warm companions.”

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Compassionate Caregiving

Posted on November 23, 2010 by sharonclark

I was recently invited to share some of the details of my personal story as a caregiver in honor of National Family Caregivers Month. We were asked to speak about what we’ve learned because of our caregiving experience; why we’re okay now, and to talk about the work we’ve done that may help today’s family caregivers. In sharing some of what I’ve learned from my caregiving experience with my husband, I thought I would borrow from a current TV celebrity that you may be able to relate to & tell you “what I know for sure about caregiving”:

I know that it’s an act of love.

Without love, there would be no “care” in caregiving. This is the perfect time to let your loved one know how much richer your life has been because of them. You are forever linked by your shared history & love, and we know that love never dies.

I know that the old normal is gone, replaced by a new normal.

What was the normal case may not be at this time, but the “new” that replaces it can also reflect love & care. Sometimes crises help us to figure out what’s really important in life, so don’t overlook the lessons & experiences offered in your daily activities

I know that medical treatment can help manage the physical body & pain, but there are also emotional, mental & spiritual aspects to be considered as well.

In the flurry of activities surrounding treating the physical pain, don’t disregard the other equally important pain management for the whole being…both you & your loved one’s. It may not be easy, but discuss what you’re feeling with each other, and honor the emotions expressed—you will both feel supported by sharing.

I know that lovingly remembering “what was” & finding joy in “what is” was my lifeline.

Take time to remember what your life has been together—for memories can light the flame of joy in the midst of today’s reality. Create ways to find joy right now with your loved one…you will be able to cherish these gifts over & over again in the future.

I know that wrapping honor around your actions for your loved one brings comfort & consolation to you both.

In your busy actions as a caregiver, remember to let honor shape conversations as you weave it & good memories into what may be difficult caregiving tasks. Don’t let “busyness” overwhelm you and rob you of important opportunities to continue to demonstrate your love & care. Be present in what is happening right now.

I know that the “care” in caregiving means compassionate care for both you & your loved one.

It’s important to keep perspective & balance during your caregiving phase. I found that our home became a beehive of activity: friends & family visiting; hospice workers helping with my husband’s physical care. Only through being attuned to my husband’s needs was I able to keep the connection strong during the hubbub.

And, as a caregiver, you also need to give to yourself, or you won’t have the energy or resources to continue to give to your loved one. LET OTHERS HELP—graciously say “YES” to friends’ offers. Allow yourself to receive others’ gifts of kindness with love while allowing yourself some time out to re-energize. You may feel guilty if you’re not there 24 hrs a day, but without time away to restore yourself, you are doing a disservice to all.

I know that caregiving is often a “sacred passage”.

We never know what life will bring…and whatever the outcome, it will be a sacred & blessed journey because you traveled it together. My wish is that you stay strongly connected to your loved one, fully engaged in the experience & attuned to the source of your physical & spiritual strength.

And, lastly, I know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE

It may feel that way many times, but just as you have been providing compassionate care to your loved one, you can also receive compassionate care by reaching out to others & staying connected to your spiritual grounding.

You may tend to hide your emotions in order to continue to go on each day—I hid behind my “I’m fine” mask with family, friends & coworkers—but, I also know that giving yourself permission to feel your true emotions & being true to yourself during the journey is critically important, and ultimately these became the cornerstones for my own healing.

I know that finding my spiritual touchstone & helping my husband to remain connected to his offered the emotional grounding needed to maintain some sanity in the swirl of insanity around us. And, I truly found that by accepting the love, concern and care offered by others, I became OKAY.

So, I would like to leave you with the thought that through love, support, & GIVING AND RECEIVING compassionate care, I’m OKAY, and YOU will be, too.

Blessings to you,

Sharon Clark

Autumn

Posted on October 6, 2010 by sharonclark

Viagra | Adderall || Levitra online

As I was enjoying the quiet morning of the Labor Day Holiday, I thought about the season ahead. Autumn is one of my favorite times of year—crisper air, the sun’s angle as it hits the leaves—a season of transition that reminds us of summer’s heat along with previews of winter’s sting in a perfect, surprising, sometimes nostalgic way.

Fall has always been tinged with some sadness, and perhaps that’s simply because we know that change is occurring…as humans we normally don’t embrace change. Although it’s the only real constant in life, we still tend to resist the inevitable that is change. Along with sadness, there also seems to be yearning in the air. Yearning for what was, rather than hope for what will be.

Yearning isn’t a commonly used term, but it is a common emotion I hear in the voices of others when they talk about their lives…it surrounds their words with such wistfulness…it goes far beyond hoping and wishing—even further than longing. It’s the deepest heart murmuring.

I tend to believe that yearning is endemic to our human condition—yearning for what we no longer have. I’ve also found it to be a visceral emotion; one we’re physically acquainted with… “the absence of” prompts the yearning. Perhaps it is summer’s reminder of our “old normal” of what our lives once were. And, perhaps through quiet reflection, we can successfully replicate in our lives what Autumn does each year, intersperse the “what was” with “what is to come”.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

The Power of Words…

Posted on June 28, 2010 by sharonclark

Earlier today I was thinking about words and how they have the power to transport us through our daily lives. Sometimes when we are grieving, we put up a protective barrier to help shield us from feelings because they are too painful, and we block some of the comforting “words” that may come our way.

While trying to avoid pain is understandable, I have found that words can be transformative; and if we allow them in, they can offer a framework for us to really “feel” our emotions. And through these experiences, we can begin to heal.

Words can open a door to a comforting setting; provide a peaceful interlude from our grieving. They can allow us to paint pictures in our mind and create a safe place to be with our grief; and within this safe place, we find a knowing that we will ultimately be OK.

Words also hold the power to change our physiological responses—and, in the process we can transform sorrow into fond memories where we can focus on our shared love, and not just on our loss.

Words hold the key that can unlock a new reality, and create a space where healing can enter and thrive. May you receive and welcome comforting words today.

Sharon Clark

Experience the Grief Interlude Series Meditations

www.griefinterlude.com

LOSS SURVIVOR Team Info

Posted on May 4, 2010 by sharonclark

We recently decided to assemble a team to participate in the St. Louis Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure that’s to be held on 6/12/10. Our team’s motto is “Be a Loss Survivor”! The inspiration for this came from our family’s loss of loved ones to cancer. Understandably, the focus of the race’s fundraising efforts is about becoming breast cancer survivors and celebrating that fact! Unfortunately, not everyone diagnosed with breast cancer survives, so our team is here to honor our loved ones who fought the battle but didn’t win. We want to encourage all those left behind to become “loss survivors” by celebrating the lives & love they shared with their loved ones. And, to help them find ways to navigate through their feelings of loss while on their grief journey.

It’s also about recognizing that there is loss on many levels when cancer enters a life; loss of time with your family, loss of energy to live your life fully, loss of some of your identity. And on the flip side of that, your loved ones’ loss of “you”; time not spent reading a bedtime story, not making a soccer game, not feeling intimate, not sharing time with friends. Loss of some engagement in life…the loss of “normal”.

Our family found that grief and loss are still misunderstood and seldom discussed topics in our society. Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them. But it seems that no one really wants to talk about it…it’s painful….they don’t know what to say…but just as we all love, we all lose loved ones. So instead of ignoring loss, let’s encourage meaningful dialogue; let’s provide support resources; let’s offer tools to help people cope with the grief and loss. Let’s find ways to get through it together in order to say: “I’m a Loss Survivor”!

Our team is comprised of members who have felt loss in some way—some of their loved ones survived, and others didn’t. This is simply an attempt to raise awareness that loss comes with cancer; unfortunately, sometimes that’s loss of life, but almost always there’s some loss of “you”. And, by acknowledging that loss, promoting dialogue and finding meaningful ways to support it, we can celebrate life and become “Loss Survivors”!

If you would like to make a donation, please go to: www.komenstlouis./race and choose the “Loss Survivors” team. We appreciate your support!

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

Being Present in our Grief

Posted on April 18, 2010 by sharonclark

Something I heard earlier this week prompted me to think about how often we tend not to be “present” in our lives….either living in the past or dreaming about the future. The same can be true when we grieve, for grief really involves looking back over what was & mourning that loss, but also yearning for the “unlived” portion of what would have been with our loved one had they not died.

The pain over losing what “might have been” is especially tender; as humans, we all have shared hopes and dreams: a retirement to enjoy together; a wedding not yet planned; a baby yet to be born. These future events, only imagined, are ingredients of the “grief stew” that blends what was with what wasn’t. This stew then simmers as we grieve, bubbling with images of lost hopes and dreams and loving memories.

Just as we can find ourselves not living in the present, we can also find ourselves not grieving in the present. For it hurts…to be right here, right now in this place of grief. Grieving is many things, but sometimes the most distinguishing feature is that it’s painful. And, as in other areas of our lives, we may try to dull the pain, get numb, and take the edge off. We avoid the present. But, until we stand “amidst the tears” and immerse ourselves with what is in this moment, we can’t move beyond.

Grieving is an active progression through grief—it is a journey of paths that wind around our feelings and emotions leading through both painful & joyous memories. Its path is uncharted and unique for each person. It’s shorter for some than others, but the “sameness” is the fact that we are all changed by having traveled it. For in making the journey we uncover more about ourselves, and more about living…right here, right now, in the present.

Sharon Clark

4/18/2010

www.griefinterlude.com

An Epidemic of Loss

Posted on April 1, 2010 by sharonclark

Is there an epidemic of “loss” in our society today—is it the “forgotten” illness afflicting millions? How many suffering from grief & loss actually receive any tools for treatment or find support to help?

Good questions…there seems to be so little discussed or written about loss in proportion to the suffering…few resources dedicated to it….why is that? Is it because death or loss is uncomfortable not only for those who are experiencing it, but also uncomfortable to those who aren’t? Is it because we just assume that someone who is feeling grief or loss will simply “get over it”…that it will just take care of itself….after all, “time heals all wounds” or so we’re left to be comforted with. Well, grief is not like the common cold wherein we just tough it out a few days and it disappears; grief is chronic, and time does not magically erase the pain.

Just as with any other human emotion, grief ripples out into our lives, into our society in concentric circles…the pain of loss, confusion of what to do, the anger with no outlet, the helplessness of our inability to have affected the outcome. All these negative emotions related to grief spill over into the daily lives of those grieving and touch their family, their friends, their coworkers, and their community.

Yet grief is probably one of the most misunderstood and least discussed topics in our society—we are a grief-illiterate nation. Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them. Which leads to the question: WHY as a society aren’t we doing more to offer resources and support to those grieving? As noted earlier, grief is “uncomfortable”, and we don’t want to think about it; but, we’re ALL going to experience it since we ALL lose loved ones….all of us will die, and all of us will grieve. It’s the common denominator of living…and loving.

So, instead of ignoring the inevitability of it, let’s ENCOURAGE meaningful dialogue; let’s PROVIDE resources; let’s OFFER tools to help people cope with their grief. And, yes, grieving is painful, but let’s not ignore it. Let’s find ways to get through our grief together in order to become “loss survivors”!

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

Adrift in an Ocean of Grief

Posted on March 21, 2010 by sharonclark

Sometimes there is such helplessness we feel when we are grieving. It’s like being adrift in the middle of an ocean in a life raft, but with no oars to propel us forward or navigation system to help us find our way. You’re in a place that’s unfamiliar, unwelcome, with no way to get out. All you know is that you don’t want to be there, feeling what you’re feeling.

You feel as though you are at the mercy of the water moving around you. At times, it may be a gentle rolling presence; at other times, the waves may toss you about…moving over you without warning and giving you no time to recover before another wave of grief hits again. The waves may leave you feeling defeated, exhausted and overwhelmed. And if there is one truth I have learned, it’s “the only way out, is through.”

The Grief Interlude Series^TM set of guided meditations offers a therapeutic break—an interlude—a chance to step away from your grief, take a deep breath of relaxation, gain a different perspective and feel some restorative peace. I’ve found that from this calmer place I can better navigate grief’s tumultuous storms.

Remember that if we hadn’t felt love, we would not be feeling grief. Love and grief are on the same emotional continuum. If we can experience a way to move along the space that connects the two emotions and focus on the love we have known, we may find some peaceful lulls between grief’s waves. And, lovingly, find our way through…

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

March 21, 2010

Grief Interlude

Guided Meditations to Healing

Tag Archives: grief support

The Secret of Life

Out of the dark…Renewed

Grieving a Loss…Celebrating a Life

Compassionate Caregiving

Autumn

The Power of Words…

LOSS SURVIVOR Team Info

Being Present in our Grief

An Epidemic of Loss

Adrift in an Ocean of Grief