Tag Archives: compassion

The Secret of Life

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My cell phone’s ringtone is a song by James Taylor, “Secret O’ Life” and when it rang this morning it reminded me of the meaning of its lyrics.  They tell us that the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time…sounds simple doesn’t it?

For me, enjoying the passage of time means that we can learn to embrace life as we move through time.  When we are grieving, we tend to hold onto memories, emotions, and feelings from when our loved one was with us, for we feel that is all we have left of them. 

But, we really have more than that; we simply need to look in our heart to feel the love that lives outside time.  So, when we get bogged down in grief and hold onto what was, perhaps we can move to a place where we can touch the love that we feel right now and release some of our sadness.

The song’s lyrics also invite us to view life as a “lovely ride”, and as such we should enjoy the ride and anticipate what’s around the next bend, and occasionally remember with fondness and love what’s also behind us.  Most importantly though is to be present with where you are, and what you are feeling at THIS moment in time.  For NOW is all we have in the dimension of time.

We really are simply passengers on our “lifeboat” as we move through the waters of time, touching lives, feeling joy and sadness, sharing love and then allowing time’s passage to carry us in its arms to our next destination–while enjoying the passage of time.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 

 

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Pressing “PAUSE”

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As I was shopping yesterday, the store was filled by the loud cries of an unhappy toddler; I couldn’t see why she was so distressed, but her sobs were filled with passion and unyielding. She was inconsolable it seemed.  Her cries were so constant that I wondered how she was actually managing to breathe through her sobs. After several minutes, her crying stopped, and as her mother pushed her to the aisle to check-out, I could see that she was clutching a new toy; the diversion needed to break her emotional pattern.

As I watched this unfold, it triggered the thought that many times this is exactly how we feel when we experience grief…inconsolable…caught up in the sheer wave of emotions, feeling our loss and locked into an emotional pattern that we ourselves can’t easily break.  Like the little child, we need a “diversion” to interrupt our outpouring.

When our world has been turned upside down and our emotional grounding moved off center, many times we don’t even know how to respond because we are “inexperienced” about the emotion of grief.  Our other emotions, e.g., love, joy, anger, are usually pretty well-developed through simply living our daily lives.  We exercise these emotional muscles on a regular basis through our relationship with others.  We’ve learned how to cope.

But this isn’t so true of the emotion of grief. Of course we have all felt some components of grief—sadness, loss, hurt—since we were babies, and have developed some coping mechanisms as a result.   But until you’ve experienced the loss of a loved one, you probably haven’t felt the full emotional spectrum that is grief.  Nor do we have an innate coping tool as to know how to deal with the complex array of emotions we may feel. 

Sometimes when we’re caught up in this wave of emotions, seemingly inconsolable and not knowing how to cope, we can press the “PAUSE” button.

Using the guided meditations in The Grief Interlude Series can help you do that. It offers a way to step out of your grieving and step into a place of rest…just for a while.  It allows you the opportunity to “break the circuit”, to catch your breath, and to gain some time to restore.  To help you regain your footing, to find your center and to focus on the emotion that will help you make your way through the grief:  love.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

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Out of the dark…Renewed

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As Mother Nature sheds her winter’s coat, she dons a spring wardrobe of cherry blossoms & green grass…renewed.  We, too, can emerge from a winter of grief, renewed and ready for new hope & beginnings that are offered by spring. 

I was reminded last week of these assurances as I walked in a local park enjoying the new leaves & tulips blooming vividly, feeling the warmth of the sun on my shoulders.  Just as the sun may disappear behind clouds, we are assured that it is still there, shining brightly, so too is our assurance that we can be renewed to shine again as well.  

We are changed of course, given the loss of our loved one, but we can find new beginnings through Mother Nature’s example.  Life is a series of cycles, some longer than others.  The life force that exists that urges the flower above the soil to bloom at the right time of year is the same presence that connects our feelings of love to our loved one.  Only the masks of fear, distrust, and hopelessness distort its eternal nature.   

So, I encourage you to take a walk & connect with spring’s beauty, and absorb the hopefulness around you.  You, too, can emerge from grief’s darkness and feel a sense of renewal.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

4/17/11

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Compassionate Caregiving

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I was recently invited to share some of the details of my personal story as a caregiver in honor of National Family Caregivers Month.  We were asked to speak about what we’ve learned because of our caregiving experience; why we’re okay now, and to talk about the work we’ve done that may help today’s family caregivers. In sharing some of what I’ve learned from my caregiving experience with my husband, I thought I would borrow from a current TV celebrity that you may be able to relate to & tell you “what I know for sure about caregiving”:

  • I know that it’s an act of love.

Without love, there would be no “care” in caregiving.  This is the perfect time to let your loved one know how much richer your life has been because of them.  You are forever linked by your shared history & love, and we know that love never dies.

  • I know that the old normal is gone, replaced by a new normal.

What was the normal case may not be at this time, but the “new” that replaces it can also reflect love & care.  Sometimes crises help us to figure out what’s really important in life, so don’t overlook the lessons & experiences offered in your daily activities

  • I know that medical treatment can help manage the physical body & pain, but there are also emotional, mental & spiritual aspects to be considered as well.

In the flurry of activities surrounding treating the physical pain, don’t disregard the other equally important pain management for the whole being…both you & your loved one’s.  It may not be easy, but discuss what you’re feeling with each other, and honor the emotions expressed—you will both feel supported by sharing.

  • I know that lovingly remembering “what was” & finding joy in “what is” was my lifeline.

Take time to remember what your life has been together—for memories can light the flame of joy in the midst of today’s reality.  Create ways to find joy right now with your loved one…you will be able to cherish these gifts over & over again in the future.

  • I know that wrapping honor around your actions for your loved one brings comfort & consolation to you both.

In your busy actions as a caregiver, remember to let honor shape conversations as           you weave it & good memories into what may be difficult caregiving tasks.  Don’t let “busyness” overwhelm you and rob you of important opportunities to continue to demonstrate your love & care.  Be present in what is happening right now.

  • I know that the “care” in caregiving means compassionate care for both you & your loved one.

It’s important to keep perspective & balance during your caregiving phase. I found that our home became a beehive of activity:  friends & family visiting; hospice workers helping with my husband’s physical care.  Only through being attuned to my husband’s needs was I able to keep the connection strong during the hubbub.

And, as a caregiver, you also need to give to yourself, or you won’t have the energy or resources to continue to give to your loved one.  LET OTHERS HELP—graciously say “YES” to friends’ offers.  Allow yourself to receive others’ gifts of kindness with love while allowing yourself some time out to re-energize.  You may feel guilty if you’re not there 24 hrs a day, but without time away to restore yourself, you are doing a disservice to all.

  • I know that caregiving is often a “sacred passage”.

We never know what life will bring…and whatever the outcome, it will be a sacred & blessed journey because you traveled it together. My wish is that you stay strongly connected to your loved one, fully engaged in the experience & attuned to the source of your physical & spiritual strength.

  • And, lastly, I know that YOU ARE NOT ALONE

It may feel that way many times, but just as you have been providing compassionate care to your loved one, you can also receive compassionate care by reaching out to others & staying connected to your spiritual grounding.

You may tend to hide your emotions in order to continue to go on each day—I hid behind my “I’m fine” mask with family, friends & coworkers—but, I also know that giving yourself permission to feel your true emotions & being true to yourself during the journey is critically important, and ultimately these became the cornerstones for my own healing.

I know that finding my spiritual touchstone & helping my husband to remain connected to his offered the emotional grounding needed to maintain some sanity in the swirl of insanity around us.  And, I truly found that by accepting the love, concern and care offered by others, I became OKAY.

So, I would like to leave you with the thought that through love, support, & GIVING AND RECEIVING compassionate care, I’m OKAY, and YOU will be, too.    

Blessings to you,

Sharon Clark

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