Tag Archives: comfort

Surrounded by Love

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Finding our place and new “normal” may take a lot of introspection, energy and time.  One thing I found is that it also involved re-creating my surroundings.  Everyone handles loss differently—some find that by freezing their surroundings as they were when their loved one was with them is necessary to maintain some continuity.  Others find that it’s important to create a new environment, surrounded by everything that is new. 

Clearing my environment from lingering sadness and the energy of loss was important—not that it was easy, or even immediate, but for me necessary.  I found that most of our “things” were too laden with old energy, and when I allowed myself to release some of my physical belongings, I was also able to release some of my pent-up feelings.  Just as we are sometimes guilty of hoarding things, we can also be guilty of hoarding past emotions—ones that we’re not yet ready to bring out into the open, examine and process.  Finding ways to release both old things and old emotions can be therapeutic as we navigate our way through grief.

Professional organizers use a system of “keep”, “donate”, and “throw away” when they work with clients to create a more organized space.  Perhaps we can all take a lesson from their organizational skills and bring our stored emotions out and apply the same labels.

By sorting through some of our physical possessions and stored emotions, we can move toward creating a space where we feel surrounded by both the things we love and emotions we want to remember.  May you feel some peace in finding the things and emotions that make you feel supported and surrounded by love.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 

 

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Autumn

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As I was enjoying the quiet morning of the Labor Day Holiday, I thought about the season ahead.  Autumn is one of my favorite times of year—crisper air, the sun’s angle as it hits the leaves—a season of transition that reminds us of summer’s heat along with previews of winter’s sting in a perfect, surprising, sometimes nostalgic way.

Fall has always been tinged with some sadness, and perhaps that’s simply because we know that change is occurring…as humans we normally don’t embrace change.  Although it’s the only real constant in life, we still tend to resist the inevitable that is change.  Along with sadness, there also seems to be yearning in the air.  Yearning for what was, rather than hope for what will be.

Yearning isn’t a commonly used term, but it is a common emotion I hear in the voices of others when they talk about their lives…it surrounds their words with such wistfulness…it goes far beyond hoping and wishing—even further than longing.  It’s the deepest heart murmuring.

I tend to believe that yearning is endemic to our human condition—yearning for what we no longer have. I’ve also found it to be a visceral emotion; one we’re physically acquainted with… “the absence of” prompts the yearning. Perhaps it is summer’s reminder of our “old normal” of what our lives once were.  And, perhaps through quiet reflection, we can successfully replicate in our lives what Autumn does each year, intersperse the “what was” with “what is to come”.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

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Finding Our Place

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When we lose a loved one, we may also feel that we lose a part of ourself, our identity, our place in life. Many times our world is literally turned upside down, and we feel lost.  What now? How do we find where we now “fit”?

It’s like being part of a jigsaw puzzle that has been overturned, leaving the pieces scattered.  The place where our piece fit in so snugly before is now missing…the picture has been broken apart…the old “normal” is gone.

Finding that missing slot where we now fit may involve trial & error on our part.  Our circle of friends may have changed; and almost always, our family dynamics have shifted.  As someone so aptly said, “the only thing constant in life is change.” 

So, this “new normal” that we must identify can be challenging.  Many times it feels alien—we had a life—one we were comfortable in—one in which we had made our “place”—acted out our roles–knew what to expect—and most importantly, how to feel.  But in this new normal, we may find that we don’t know anything—what to do, who we’re becoming nor how we feel.

Re-establishing our “place” is a process…one that may be different for each of us.  Reaching out to friends and family, seeking counseling, asking for spiritual guidance, sharing our story are some ways to find support.  But almost always it involves taking time to be quiet and looking within to find our answers to define our new normal, and our new life.

We have changed as we’ve traveled our grief journey; we have been transformed without our loved one in our life.  But we can also draw comfort from the love we’ve shared and know that what we’ve learned on our journey shapes us each day as we make choices for our new reality.  And, we can take comfort in knowing that a new puzzle waits for us to slip into our slot, and once again fit into a new puzzle picture…a new life…a new place.

Sharon Clark

7/30/10

www.griefinterlude.com

 

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The Power of Words…

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Earlier today I was thinking about words and how they have the power to transport us through our daily lives.  Sometimes when we are grieving, we put up a protective barrier to help shield us from feelings because they are too painful, and we block some of the comforting “words” that may come our way. 

While trying to avoid pain is understandable, I have found that words can be transformative; and if we allow them in, they can offer a framework for us to really “feel” our emotions.  And through these experiences, we can begin to heal.

Words can open a door to a comforting setting; provide a peaceful interlude from our grieving.  They can allow us to paint pictures in our mind and create a safe place to be with our grief; and within this safe place, we find a knowing that we will ultimately be OK.

Words also hold the power to change our physiological responses—and, in the process we can transform sorrow into fond memories where we can focus on our shared love, and not just on our loss.

Words hold the key that can unlock a new reality, and create a space where healing can enter and thrive.  May you receive and welcome comforting words today.

Sharon Clark

Experience the Grief Interlude Series Meditations

www.griefinterlude.com

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Lessons from the Labyrinth

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Although the second CD in The Grief Interlude Series was inspired by a labyrinth walk, I am relatively new to experiencing them.  While the insights gained weren’t centered specifically on grief, I wanted to share one I did recently…

The path toward the labyrinth was lined with cedar trees, standing as sentinels for my passage.  They felt so familiar and reassuring to me—their aroma provided a bridge to memories as a little girl who spent so much time in “my” cedar tree.  It acted as my sanctuary, and offered a place to explore my capabilities and views of the world around me.

Honeysuckle bushes in bloom arched over the labyrinth’s entrance, fragrant and welcoming.  The labyrinth lay before me, a series of spirals nestled within a circle.  Although I couldn’t recognize a pattern from standing at the entrance, I realized that my brain unconsciously noted a series of four quadrants as I moved throughout.  The series of paths within were designed in places to switch back upon themselves—some portions longer than others, and some abruptly turning…much like life’s unexpected turns.

Given the labyrinth’s design, I moved rhythmically through the spirals but couldn’t really tell how far I had traveled. Nor could I assess how far it was until I reached the center…my steps were being guided, but my sense was that I simply put one foot in front of the other moving along the path before me.  An act that many of us seldom surrender to…one in which we give over control.  I found myself practicing the art of “surrender” after the first few circuits for I didn’t need to know how far I had come or how far to go; it was about where I was. 

As I moved through the circuits toward the center, I couldn’t always tell exactly where I was within the labyrinth with respect to distance, but I could always sense the center.  It reinforced the lesson in knowing that when I become quiet and return to MY center, I don’t really need to know anything more than that.  For within that sacred center, lies all our questions…and all our answers.

I moved along the paths at varying paces—sometimes faster and some slower to reflect upon my thoughts or the perspective provided at that point.  In sections, the path turned back on itself almost immediately and I found myself viewing the path I had just walked…even though I was looking ahead, I was looking back…a revealing experience for me, almost as though they were happening simultaneously…maybe everything is?  And while my orientation within the labyrinth changed as I moved through it, my perspective also shifted as I wound through the quadrants, but I was essentially covering the same ground as I had walked before.  Maybe that’s like repeating life’s lessons until we finally “get it”!

The paths were strewn with debris from thunder storms earlier in the week, and there were some weeds growing among the lovely spring flowers blooming in various sections. Somehow this imperfection comforted me…life is never perfectly manicured, is it?  I spotted an oval of brilliant blue on the path ahead and discovered it to be a robin’s eggshell—only Mother Nature could create that unique hue!  Its broken shell made me think about the fragility of life, but it also represented new life springing forth filled with hope…rebirth.  Sometimes I have to shed my “shells” and put down my masks to allow the authentic me to emerge.

After spending quiet moments at the labyrinth’s center, I retraced the steps just taken.  At one point as I wound toward the entrance, I thought that I could simply step over the stone dividers and shorten my journey—my overdeveloped impatient nature showing—but then came the thought that even when we want to take shortcuts rather than finish the journey, we must do the work.  I’ve learned that “the only way out is through”.  I also noted as I walked parallel to the entrance, I was “so close” to it but yet “so far away”!  Not only had I already traveled far within the labyrinth, I also had distance ahead until the journey was complete…a reminder that as long as we breathe, life continues to gift us opportunities to grow and evolve.

Patience was a recurring theme as I noted the sun disappearing behind clouds momentarily, darkening my path.  It occurred to me that sometimes the “light unto our feet” may not be as bright as we would like during certain periods, but just as the sun, the guidance is always there behind the clouds waiting to re-emerge as a beacon for us. We haven’t been abandoned, but must simply invite and await its return.

As the labyrinth, life is never a straight path—it always has twists and turns.  Sometimes I spend too much time looking back over where I’ve been, or too much invested in looking ahead to where I’m going.  But, only in finding peace in where I am do I open a space allowing grace to enter, showing me appreciation for this moment and gratitude for being right where I am.  Another lesson from the labyrinth…

Sharon Clark

5/3/10

www.griefinterlude.com

 

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An Epidemic of Loss

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Is there an epidemic of “loss” in our society today—is it the “forgotten” illness afflicting millions?  How many suffering from grief & loss actually receive any tools for treatment or find support to help? 

Good questions…there seems to be so little discussed or written about loss in proportion to the suffering…few resources dedicated to it….why is that?  Is it because death or loss is uncomfortable not only for those who are experiencing it, but also uncomfortable to those who aren’t?  Is it because we just assume that someone who is feeling grief or loss will simply “get over it”…that it will just take care of itself….after all, “time heals all wounds” or so we’re left to be comforted with.  Well, grief is not like the common cold wherein we just tough it out a few days and it disappears; grief is chronic, and time does not magically erase the pain. 

Just as with any other human emotion, grief ripples out into our lives, into our society in concentric circles…the pain of loss, confusion of what to do, the anger with no outlet, the helplessness of our inability to have affected the outcome.  All these negative emotions related to grief spill over into the daily lives of those grieving and touch their family, their friends, their coworkers, and their community.   

Yet grief is probably one of the most misunderstood and least discussed topics in our society—we are a grief-illiterate nation.  Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them.  Which leads to the question:  WHY as a society aren’t we doing more to offer resources and support to those grieving?  As noted earlier, grief is “uncomfortable”, and we don’t want to think about it; but, we’re ALL going to experience it since we ALL lose loved ones….all of us will die, and all of us will grieve.  It’s the common denominator of living…and loving.

So, instead of ignoring the inevitability of it, let’s ENCOURAGE meaningful dialogue; let’s PROVIDE resources; let’s OFFER tools to help people cope with their grief.  And, yes, grieving is painful, but let’s not ignore it.  Let’s find ways to get through our grief together in order to become “loss survivors”! 

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

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Adrift in an Ocean of Grief

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Sometimes there is such helplessness we feel when we are grieving.  It’s like being adrift in the middle of an ocean in a life raft, but with no oars to propel us forward or navigation system to help us find our way.  You’re in a place that’s unfamiliar, unwelcome, with no way to get out.  All you know is that you don’t want to be there, feeling what you’re feeling.

You feel as though you are at the mercy of the water moving around you.  At times, it may be a gentle rolling presence; at other times, the waves may toss you about…moving over you without warning and giving you no time to recover before another wave of grief hits again.  The waves may leave you feeling defeated, exhausted and overwhelmed.  And if there is one truth I have learned, it’s “the only way out, is through.” 

The Grief Interlude SeriesTM set of guided meditations offers a therapeutic break—an interlude—a chance to step away from your grief, take a deep breath of relaxation, gain a different perspective and feel some restorative peace.  I’ve found that from this calmer place I can better navigate grief’s tumultuous storms.

Remember that if we hadn’t felt love, we would not be feeling grief.  Love and grief are on the same emotional continuum.  If we can experience a way to move along the space that connects the two emotions and focus on the love we have known, we may find some peaceful lulls between grief’s waves. And, lovingly, find our way through…

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

March 21, 2010

 

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Is Grief a Universal Language? 3/4/10

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As I watched the faces of the most recent earthquake survivors in Chile and those in Haiti, I knew what they were feeling even if I couldn’t understand the words…it was grief.

 Relief agencies are usually onsite within hours to provide assistance to meet the immediate needs, such as water, food and shelter.  But we know that once those physical needs are met, there are other emotional needs to be addressed as well.  And, it may be a long-term task.  I’ve said before “Grief is the residue that remains in our heart after the tears have dried on our face”.

And, this residue can remain for years…often so deeply ingrained from inattention or pushing it down, that it can suddenly reappear without warning, reminding us that it has never been resolved.

Grief is an “equal opportunity” emotion—it knows no race, creed, or gender.  It’s often accompanied by feelings of anguish, disbelief, anger and fear.  That’s why it’s so important for having ways to express our grief; and promote a dialogue about what is often a “taboo” topic.  Our country, as is the case with many other cultures, is a grief-illiterate nation.  It’s painful to talk about grief…but then, grieving is a painful process, but a necessary one.

Given its universal nature, we need more discussions about grief, and more support available for those grieving. 

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

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Reconnecting with Love

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“Grief is the residue that remains in our heart after the tears have dried on our face.”

Did you know that grief is on the same emotional continuum as love?  I’ve found that how we grieve is related to how we’ve loved, and once our loved one has died, we sometimes only feel the grief that remains.  Grief is the emotion, and grieving is the response–just as love as an emotion prompts loving thought and action.

Today, on this annual commemoration of love that is Valentine’s Day, focus on the love you feel for your loved one.  Move away from the grieving, and into loving thoughts and actions.  Through this movement, you will find that you will be embraced by love and truly reconnect with your loved one.  Envelope yourself with fond memories and honor your love.

Sharon Clark

2/14/10

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Grief, A New Emotion

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Grief is many times a new emotion for us.  It’s one that we experience in connection with loss, and the deepest feelings are those associated with death.  The final blow…the one thing we can’t control nor change. 

Since it’s such an unfamiliar emotion, we rarely have any built-in coping skills in addressing or handling it.  And, it seems that grief appears instantly, swiftly and is unrelenting–leaving us unable to breathe much less able to wrap our minds around how to cope with it.

The logical mind has few defenses against grief—it is so insidious and all-consuming that many times all we can do is make our best effort to hold on and ride its tumultuous waves. It’s a journey few are prepared for, and one that provides even fewer tools and aids for the travels. 

Even those of us who have walked the path before feel ill-prepared; for although we’ve been through the journey, it’s an unfamiliar terrain each time.  One that is unyielding and unwelcome while conjuring up the struggles with our previous losses and compounding the difficulty.  We don’t overcome grief—at best we struggle through it; for really the only way out, is through.

Given that we rarely have the built-in coping skills to support our grieving process, we need to actively search out ways that will help us help ourselves.  There is no “right” way to grieve, there is only our way. 

Consider The Grief Interlude SeriesTM set of guided meditation CD’s that offers uplifting comforting messages and provides a brief respite from grieving.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 

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