The Secret of Life

Posted on September 10, 2011 by sharonclark

My cell phone’s ringtone is a song by James Taylor, “Secret O’ Life” and when it rang this morning it reminded me of the meaning of its lyrics. They tell us that the secret of life is enjoying the passage of time…sounds simple doesn’t it?

For me, enjoying the passage of time means that we can learn to embrace life as we move through time. When we are grieving, we tend to hold onto memories, emotions, and feelings from when our loved one was with us, for we feel that is all we have left of them.

But, we really have more than that; we simply need to look in our heart to feel the love that lives outside time. So, when we get bogged down in grief and hold onto what was, perhaps we can move to a place where we can touch the love that we feel right now and release some of our sadness.

The song’s lyrics also invite us to view life as a “lovely ride”, and as such we should enjoy the ride and anticipate what’s around the next bend, and occasionally remember with fondness and love what’s also behind us. Most importantly though is to be present with where you are, and what you are feeling at THIS moment in time. For NOW is all we have in the dimension of time.

We really are simply passengers on our “lifeboat” as we move through the waters of time, touching lives, feeling joy and sadness, sharing love and then allowing time’s passage to carry us in its arms to our next destination–while enjoying the passage of time.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Above the Roar

Posted on June 3, 2011 by sharonclark

As I walked from the parking area to an office building earlier today, the tree-lined sidewalk was buzzing with cicadas. Actually, the buzz was so loud a few people who were sitting at an outdoor table could barely speak above the roar. The cycle of life and rebirth being heard.

Somehow it reminded me that sometimes no matter how loudly we shout, we are still not heard. And, our need to be heard can be overpowered by the desire for us to simply “be quiet”. I think that the same can sometimes be said about grieving. We may be trying so hard to be “heard” in the midst of our grief that we simply need to “be quiet” and listen.

Each of us has a spiritual ear—one attuned to knowing what we need for healing. Too often, we overwhelm it with our noise and fail to “listen” to its loving guidance. Sometimes our overt actions need to be stilled, and simply surrender to the passive act of listening and “being” where we are with our grief.

Today’s entry from Mark Nepo’s “The Book of Awakening” seems to apply:

“Tragedy stays alive by feeling what’s been done to us, while peace comes alive by living with the result.”

May you find peace on your journey…

Sharon Clark

6/2/11

www.griefinterlude.com

Out of the dark…Renewed

Posted on April 17, 2011 by sharonclark

As Mother Nature sheds her winter’s coat, she dons a spring wardrobe of cherry blossoms & green grass…renewed. We, too, can emerge from a winter of grief, renewed and ready for new hope & beginnings that are offered by spring.

I was reminded last week of these assurances as I walked in a local park enjoying the new leaves & tulips blooming vividly, feeling the warmth of the sun on my shoulders. Just as the sun may disappear behind clouds, we are assured that it is still there, shining brightly, so too is our assurance that we can be renewed to shine again as well.

We are changed of course, given the loss of our loved one, but we can find new beginnings through Mother Nature’s example. Life is a series of cycles, some longer than others. The life force that exists that urges the flower above the soil to bloom at the right time of year is the same presence that connects our feelings of love to our loved one. Only the masks of fear, distrust, and hopelessness distort its eternal nature.

So, I encourage you to take a walk & connect with spring’s beauty, and absorb the hopefulness around you. You, too, can emerge from grief’s darkness and feel a sense of renewal.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

4/17/11

Grieving a Loss…Celebrating a Life

Posted on December 12, 2010 by sharonclark

Last Friday night, I sat with my grandson and family at a candlelight memorial service where he was remembering both his Grandfather and his Father. It was a gathering of about 50-75 people that was hosted by a local children’s grief group. My grandson has been participating in the group following the unexpected death of his father two years ago when he was 12. The group facilitator invited each participant to come to the front of the room and share whatever they were comfortable saying about their loved one.

It was both comforting & heart-wrenching as I listened to each family. I was struck by the varied timeframes: one daughter was remembering her Dad who had died ten years ago, and one wife with four small children was raw with grief only a week old. As I listened to her sob his name, and saw the shock that held the children still as she spoke, I could only hope that somehow they would be able to survive this Holiday Season.

I’ve often said that “grief is not linear”, and the time & distance from the death doesn’t dictate the quality nor intensity of our grief. I looked back at my blog post from last December, and had used the phrase “Grief doesn’t take a ‘holiday’ during the Holidays”; in fact, many times it becomes even more intense. Recalling family holiday traditions, and reliving our past when our loved one was still with us, inevitably happens and may make us sad they aren’t here with us for this Holiday. We replay family videos, whether literally or simply in our mind’s eye, reflecting upon happier times.

It may be difficult, but creating a new holiday tradition, one that can honor and include your loved one’s memory, can be healing for the entire family. Reliving fond memories, although bittersweet, can also evoke the feelings of joy & happy occasions you’ve shared. Our loved one is gone, but the love we’ve shared is still alive, and we can choose to be grateful for having had them in our lives. That focus on gratitude becomes the alchemy that may bring us some peace and allow us to celebrate their life, our shared history & love this Season. Remember, “fond memories make warm companions.”

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Shedding Our Leaves

Posted on November 7, 2010 by sharonclark

As I walked in my neighborhood this lovely, autumn afternoon, I was struck by the abundance of leaves covering the lawns, with millions more left to detach and fall at a later time. It reminded me of the tears we shed when we grieve….so many have fallen, but it seems there’s always more waiting to spill forth as we are reminded of our loved one who isn’t there to enjoy the time with us.

I’ve used the quote “Grief is the residue that remains in our heart after the tears have dried on our face.” often—and it is true. Sometimes our grief isn’t apparent to others, and sometimes it isn’t uppermost in our awareness; but as many know, it has the ability to surface without notice nor preparation for the intensity it can carry.

One thing I have learned over the course of grieving is that without allowing ourselves the time to mourn and experience grief, we limit our ability to also feel our emotions fully. Through remembering our love, we can finally heal. Just as trees shed their leaves in autumn, they also experience a period of dormancy during the winter. If we compare this cycle to our grief journey, we also need a period of inactivity and introspection to prepare for a life without our loved one. Only as we finally discover ourselves “amidst the tears”, can we also see hope for a new life…the spring of our grieving period.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

In Lieu Of Flowers

Posted on April 27, 2009 by sharonclark

“In lieu of”—what does that phrase mean to you? We typically see this phrase in funeral announcements that says “In lieu of flowers, donations are being accepted” for a particular religious or charity organization.

I wonder if you would consider “in lieu of” in an alternative way; one that acknowledges the grieving person and family in a lasting manner? Of course, the various funeral flower arrangement services, 1-800-Flowers, FTD.com, Teleflora, Funeralflowers.com, all provide lovely floral tributes. But what expresses your sentiments to the family after the flowers have faded?

The Grief Interlude Series contains compassionate expressions of caring concern inviting listeners to step into the stillness of a guided meditation. The meditations are designed to offer a brief respite and restorative interlude from grieving the loss of a love one. They may enhance the listener’s ability to reduce stress, provide inner calm and improve day-to-day coping skills.

This gift can act as your acknowledgement of sympathy and ongoing concern being expressed to the grieving ones left behind. By offering a self-help tool that can be used at their discretion in coping with the confusion, pain and stress associated with the loss of a loved one, you are providing a lasting reminder of your care and concern.

Grief Interlude

Guided Meditations to Healing

Tag Archives: care

The Secret of Life

Above the Roar

Out of the dark…Renewed

Grieving a Loss…Celebrating a Life

Shedding Our Leaves

In Lieu Of Flowers