It’s like being part of a jigsaw puzzle that has been overturned, leaving the pieces scattered.  The place where our piece fit in so snugly before is now missing…the picture has been broken apart…the old “normal” is gone.

Finding that missing slot where we now fit may involve trial & error on our part.  Our circle of friends may have changed; and almost always, our family dynamics have shifted.  As someone so aptly said, “the only thing constant in life is change.” 

So, this “new normal” that we must identify can be challenging.  Many times it feels alien—we had a life—one we were comfortable in—one in which we had made our “place”—acted out our roles–knew what to expect—and most importantly, how to feel.  But in this new normal, we may find that we don’t know anything—what to do, who we’re becoming nor how we feel.

Re-establishing our “place” is a process…one that may be different for each of us.  Reaching out to friends and family, seeking counseling, asking for spiritual guidance, sharing our story are some ways to find support.  But almost always it involves taking time to be quiet and looking within to find our answers to define our new normal, and our new life.

We have changed as we’ve traveled our grief journey; we have been transformed without our loved one in our life.  But we can also draw comfort from the love we’ve shared and know that what we’ve learned on our journey shapes us each day as we make choices for our new reality.  And, we can take comfort in knowing that a new puzzle waits for us to slip into our slot, and once again fit into a new puzzle picture…a new life…a new place.

Sharon Clark

7/30/10

www.griefinterlude.com

(Please cut & paste it in your browser if it isn’t active when you click on it.)

I hope you’ll take some time to listen and share with others who might benefit from learning more about ways to help support their grief and the power of the labyrinth.

Thanks & blessings,

Sharon

While trying to avoid pain is understandable, I have found that words can be transformative; and if we allow them in, they can offer a framework for us to really “feel” our emotions.  And through these experiences, we can begin to heal.

Words can open a door to a comforting setting; provide a peaceful interlude from our grieving.  They can allow us to paint pictures in our mind and create a safe place to be with our grief; and within this safe place, we find a knowing that we will ultimately be OK.

Words also hold the power to change our physiological responses—and, in the process we can transform sorrow into fond memories where we can focus on our shared love, and not just on our loss.

Words hold the key that can unlock a new reality, and create a space where healing can enter and thrive.  May you receive and welcome comforting words today.

Sharon Clark

Experience the Grief Interlude Series Meditations

www.griefinterlude.com

It’s also about recognizing that there is loss on many levels when cancer enters a life; loss of time with your family, loss of energy to live your life fully, loss of some of your identity.  And on the flip side of that, your loved ones’ loss of “you”; time not spent reading a bedtime story, not making a soccer game, not feeling intimate, not sharing time with friends.  Loss of some engagement in life…the loss of “normal”.

Our family found that grief and loss are still misunderstood and seldom discussed topics in our society.  Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them.  But it seems that no one really wants to talk about it…it’s painful….they don’t know what to say…but just as we all love, we all lose loved ones.  So instead of ignoring loss, let’s encourage meaningful dialogue; let’s provide support resources; let’s offer tools to help people cope with the grief and loss.  Let’s find ways to get through it together in order to say:  “I’m a Loss Survivor”!

Our team is comprised of members who have felt loss in some way—some of their loved ones survived, and others didn’t. This is simply an attempt to raise awareness that loss comes with cancer; unfortunately, sometimes that’s loss of life, but almost always there’s some loss of “you”. And, by acknowledging that loss, promoting dialogue and finding meaningful ways to support it, we can celebrate life and become “Loss Survivors”!

If you would like to make a donation, please go to:  www.komenstlouis./race and choose the “Loss Survivors” team.  We appreciate your support!

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

The path toward the labyrinth was lined with cedar trees, standing as sentinels for my passage.  They felt so familiar and reassuring to me—their aroma provided a bridge to memories as a little girl who spent so much time in “my” cedar tree.  It acted as my sanctuary, and offered a place to explore my capabilities and views of the world around me.

Honeysuckle bushes in bloom arched over the labyrinth’s entrance, fragrant and welcoming.  The labyrinth lay before me, a series of spirals nestled within a circle.  Although I couldn’t recognize a pattern from standing at the entrance, I realized that my brain unconsciously noted a series of four quadrants as I moved throughout.  The series of paths within were designed in places to switch back upon themselves—some portions longer than others, and some abruptly turning…much like life’s unexpected turns.

Given the labyrinth’s design, I moved rhythmically through the spirals but couldn’t really tell how far I had traveled. Nor could I assess how far it was until I reached the center…my steps were being guided, but my sense was that I simply put one foot in front of the other moving along the path before me.  An act that many of us seldom surrender to…one in which we give over control.  I found myself practicing the art of “surrender” after the first few circuits for I didn’t need to know how far I had come or how far to go; it was about where I was. 

As I moved through the circuits toward the center, I couldn’t always tell exactly where I was within the labyrinth with respect to distance, but I could always sense the center.  It reinforced the lesson in knowing that when I become quiet and return to MY center, I don’t really need to know anything more than that.  For within that sacred center, lies all our questions…and all our answers.

I moved along the paths at varying paces—sometimes faster and some slower to reflect upon my thoughts or the perspective provided at that point.  In sections, the path turned back on itself almost immediately and I found myself viewing the path I had just walked…even though I was looking ahead, I was looking back…a revealing experience for me, almost as though they were happening simultaneously…maybe everything is?  And while my orientation within the labyrinth changed as I moved through it, my perspective also shifted as I wound through the quadrants, but I was essentially covering the same ground as I had walked before.  Maybe that’s like repeating life’s lessons until we finally “get it”!

The paths were strewn with debris from thunder storms earlier in the week, and there were some weeds growing among the lovely spring flowers blooming in various sections. Somehow this imperfection comforted me…life is never perfectly manicured, is it?  I spotted an oval of brilliant blue on the path ahead and discovered it to be a robin’s eggshell—only Mother Nature could create that unique hue!  Its broken shell made me think about the fragility of life, but it also represented new life springing forth filled with hope…rebirth.  Sometimes I have to shed my “shells” and put down my masks to allow the authentic me to emerge.

After spending quiet moments at the labyrinth’s center, I retraced the steps just taken.  At one point as I wound toward the entrance, I thought that I could simply step over the stone dividers and shorten my journey—my overdeveloped impatient nature showing—but then came the thought that even when we want to take shortcuts rather than finish the journey, we must do the work.  I’ve learned that “the only way out is through”.  I also noted as I walked parallel to the entrance, I was “so close” to it but yet “so far away”!  Not only had I already traveled far within the labyrinth, I also had distance ahead until the journey was complete…a reminder that as long as we breathe, life continues to gift us opportunities to grow and evolve.

Patience was a recurring theme as I noted the sun disappearing behind clouds momentarily, darkening my path.  It occurred to me that sometimes the “light unto our feet” may not be as bright as we would like during certain periods, but just as the sun, the guidance is always there behind the clouds waiting to re-emerge as a beacon for us. We haven’t been abandoned, but must simply invite and await its return.

As the labyrinth, life is never a straight path—it always has twists and turns.  Sometimes I spend too much time looking back over where I’ve been, or too much invested in looking ahead to where I’m going.  But, only in finding peace in where I am do I open a space allowing grace to enter, showing me appreciation for this moment and gratitude for being right where I am.  Another lesson from the labyrinth…

Sharon Clark

5/3/10

www.griefinterlude.com

Which leads me to discuss health & wellness conditions for another population segment:  those who are grieving.  Sometimes when we are lost in our grief, the last thing on our minds is taking care of ourselves, or being attentive to our well-being.  The ongoing need for eating healthy meals and getting physical exercise may not always register in our blurred awareness or be a priority…our “normal” life has been altered, so why should we try to go on as usual?

We may not have an appetite; we may not feel like going to the gym or out for a walk; we may not be sleeping well.  All these physical changes impact our mental & emotional bodies as well.  Our relationships suffer…we’re not “ourselves” with family, friends & coworkers.  An unfortunate and unhealthy cycle of stress and distress infiltrates our body and life. 

So, how do we begin to recognize this, much less have the presence of mind and energy to address and remedy it?  Maybe it starts by simply taking time to be aware of what’s happening, or not happening, in our daily routine and consciously making an effort to take a break from grieving…just for a few moments to experience some stillness.  Perhaps in these moments of calm, we can find the clarity to understand and accept that we are still here…alive…in our life…and we need to take care of ourselves physically, mentally & emotionally..

If you aren’t the one grieving, reach out and be a supportive friend: take a walk together; deliver a healthy meal; extend your emotional support by offering a sympathetic ear.  Many times that’s all that’s needed to break the unhealthy cycle of grieving…an empathetic gesture to show that someone cares.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

The pain over losing what “might have been” is especially tender; as humans, we all have shared hopes and dreams:  a retirement to enjoy together; a wedding not yet planned; a baby yet to be born.  These future events, only imagined, are ingredients of the “grief stew” that blends what was with what wasn’t.  This stew then simmers as we grieve, bubbling with images of lost hopes and dreams and loving memories.

Just as we can find ourselves not living in the present, we can also find ourselves not grieving in the present.  For it hurts…to be right here, right now in this place of grief.  Grieving is many things, but sometimes the most distinguishing feature is that it’s painful.  And, as in other areas of our lives, we may try to dull the pain, get numb, and take the edge off.  We avoid the present.  But, until we stand “amidst the tears” and immerse ourselves with what is in this moment, we can’t move beyond.

Grieving is an active progression through grief—it is a journey of paths that wind around our feelings and emotions leading through both painful & joyous memories.  Its path is uncharted and unique for each person.  It’s shorter for some than others, but the “sameness” is the fact that we are all changed by having traveled it.  For in making the journey we uncover more about ourselves, and more about living…right here, right now, in the present.

Sharon Clark

4/18/2010

www.griefinterlude.com

Good questions…there seems to be so little discussed or written about loss in proportion to the suffering…few resources dedicated to it….why is that?  Is it because death or loss is uncomfortable not only for those who are experiencing it, but also uncomfortable to those who aren’t?  Is it because we just assume that someone who is feeling grief or loss will simply “get over it”…that it will just take care of itself….after all, “time heals all wounds” or so we’re left to be comforted with.  Well, grief is not like the common cold wherein we just tough it out a few days and it disappears; grief is chronic, and time does not magically erase the pain. 

Just as with any other human emotion, grief ripples out into our lives, into our society in concentric circles…the pain of loss, confusion of what to do, the anger with no outlet, the helplessness of our inability to have affected the outcome.  All these negative emotions related to grief spill over into the daily lives of those grieving and touch their family, their friends, their coworkers, and their community.   

Yet grief is probably one of the most misunderstood and least discussed topics in our society—we are a grief-illiterate nation.  Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them.  Which leads to the question:  WHY as a society aren’t we doing more to offer resources and support to those grieving?  As noted earlier, grief is “uncomfortable”, and we don’t want to think about it; but, we’re ALL going to experience it since we ALL lose loved ones….all of us will die, and all of us will grieve.  It’s the common denominator of living…and loving.

So, instead of ignoring the inevitability of it, let’s ENCOURAGE meaningful dialogue; let’s PROVIDE resources; let’s OFFER tools to help people cope with their grief.  And, yes, grieving is painful, but let’s not ignore it.  Let’s find ways to get through our grief together in order to become “loss survivors”! 

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

You feel as though you are at the mercy of the water moving around you.  At times, it may be a gentle rolling presence; at other times, the waves may toss you about…moving over you without warning and giving you no time to recover before another wave of grief hits again.  The waves may leave you feeling defeated, exhausted and overwhelmed.  And if there is one truth I have learned, it’s “the only way out, is through.” 

The Grief Interlude Series^TM set of guided meditations offers a therapeutic break—an interlude—a chance to step away from your grief, take a deep breath of relaxation, gain a different perspective and feel some restorative peace.  I’ve found that from this calmer place I can better navigate grief’s tumultuous storms.

Remember that if we hadn’t felt love, we would not be feeling grief.  Love and grief are on the same emotional continuum.  If we can experience a way to move along the space that connects the two emotions and focus on the love we have known, we may find some peaceful lulls between grief’s waves. And, lovingly, find our way through…

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

March 21, 2010

 Relief agencies are usually onsite within hours to provide assistance to meet the immediate needs, such as water, food and shelter.  But we know that once those physical needs are met, there are other emotional needs to be addressed as well.  And, it may be a long-term task.  I’ve said before “Grief is the residue that remains in our heart after the tears have dried on our face”.

And, this residue can remain for years…often so deeply ingrained from inattention or pushing it down, that it can suddenly reappear without warning, reminding us that it has never been resolved.

Grief is an “equal opportunity” emotion—it knows no race, creed, or gender.  It’s often accompanied by feelings of anguish, disbelief, anger and fear.  That’s why it’s so important for having ways to express our grief; and promote a dialogue about what is often a “taboo” topic.  Our country, as is the case with many other cultures, is a grief-illiterate nation.  It’s painful to talk about grief…but then, grieving is a painful process, but a necessary one.

Given its universal nature, we need more discussions about grief, and more support available for those grieving. 

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com