Relief agencies are usually onsite within hours to provide assistance to meet the immediate needs, such as water, food and shelter.  But we know that once those physical needs are met, there are other emotional needs to be addressed as well.  And, it may be a long-term task.  I’ve said before “Grief is the residue that remains in our heart after the tears have dried on our face”.

And, this residue can remain for years…often so deeply ingrained from inattention or pushing it down, that it can suddenly reappear without warning, reminding us that it has never been resolved.

Grief is an “equal opportunity” emotion—it knows no race, creed, or gender.  It’s often accompanied by feelings of anguish, disbelief, anger and fear.  That’s why it’s so important for having ways to express our grief; and promote a dialogue about what is often a “taboo” topic.  Our country, as is the case with many other cultures, is a grief-illiterate nation.  It’s painful to talk about grief…but then, grieving is a painful process, but a necessary one.

Given its universal nature, we need more discussions about grief, and more support available for those grieving. 

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Did you know that grief is on the same emotional continuum as love?  I’ve found that how we grieve is related to how we’ve loved, and once our loved one has died, we sometimes only feel the grief that remains.  Grief is the emotion, and grieving is the response–just as love as an emotion prompts loving thought and action.

Today, on this annual commemoration of love that is Valentine’s Day, focus on the love you feel for your loved one.  Move away from the grieving, and into loving thoughts and actions.  Through this movement, you will find that you will be embraced by love and truly reconnect with your loved one.  Envelope yourself with fond memories and honor your love.

Sharon Clark

2/14/10

Sympathy Gift Suggestion:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHaGTXjHHtg

Guided meditations that can be used as a sympathy gift or grief support for those who are grieving.  

Sympathy Gift Etiquette:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_2VhHfgvBM

Suggestions for how and when to send sympathy gifts that are meaningful to the family following the loss of a loved one.  

Guided Meditation & Grief Support:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qMzMhqIC4g

Educates about guided meditation & how its imagery can assist those who are grieving the loss of a loved one.  

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Since it’s such an unfamiliar emotion, we rarely have any built-in coping skills in addressing or handling it.  And, it seems that grief appears instantly, swiftly and is unrelenting–leaving us unable to breathe much less able to wrap our minds around how to cope with it.

The logical mind has few defenses against grief—it is so insidious and all-consuming that many times all we can do is make our best effort to hold on and ride its tumultuous waves. It’s a journey few are prepared for, and one that provides even fewer tools and aids for the travels. 

Even those of us who have walked the path before feel ill-prepared; for although we’ve been through the journey, it’s an unfamiliar terrain each time.  One that is unyielding and unwelcome while conjuring up the struggles with our previous losses and compounding the difficulty.  We don’t overcome grief—at best we struggle through it; for really the only way out, is through.

Given that we rarely have the built-in coping skills to support our grieving process, we need to actively search out ways that will help us help ourselves.  There is no “right” way to grieve, there is only our way. 

Consider The Grief Interlude Series^TM set of guided meditation CD’s that offers uplifting comforting messages and provides a brief respite from grieving.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 Recalling family holiday traditions, and reliving our past when our loved one was still with us, inevitably happens.  Playing videos of Christmases past, whether literally or in our mind’s eye, is part of the “season”.

 Bittersweet holiday carols surround us as we walk through shopping centers, and sometimes we feel as though we’ve been assaulted by a song with no warning.  All that untapped emotion emerges as a few bars of music plays…unsolicited, unwanted, unexpected.

 Overwhelming grief rises up, again.  You say, “But I thought I had worked my way through this; I felt like I was doing so much better!”

 Grief is not linear, and just because it’s been some time since your last Christmas with your loved one, grief doesn’t disappear.  It will always be a part of you because you loved them. 

The “miracle of the season” occurs when you are able to transform some of the pain and tears of loss into joy and tears of gratitude for having loved.  Your loved one is gone, but the love you shared is still alive.  That focus on gratitude becomes the alchemy that may bring you some peace during the Holidays.

 Just as you found your “new normal” in living each day without them, create a new holiday tradition that honors and includes the memory of your loved one.  Don’t feel that you need to avoid conversations about your loved one because you will spoil family gatherings; your family members may also have fond memories they would like to share but may have been afraid to discuss for fear that they would be too painful for you.

 Your loved one will always be a part of you, so cherish & celebrate your shared love this Holiday Season.

 Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 The Grief Interlude Series^TM set of guided meditation CDs offers comfort and a respite from grieving.

After the funeral is over….

Sometimes a sympathy gift delivered after the funeral is over is more meaningful to the family.  Many times during the funeral planning and service there are so many activities, the family is functioning in a numb, robotic state.  Anytime within the first year after a death it is appropriate to send a message of sympathy and support.  This can be especially welcome a couple of weeks following the service when the family may benefit from knowing that they aren’t forgotten and will welcome reminders and assurances that their grief journey is not traveled alone.

Another acknowledgement…

You may feel that even though you sent a sympathy card at the time of loss it might not be appropriate to send a sympathy gift a bit later.  Grief can be acknowledged more than once or in more than one specific way. By reaching out to the bereaved family at various times following their loss you are demonstrating your care and concern for them during their grief journey which doesn’t end at the funeral service.  Your ongoing care will be appreciated more than you may know.

What to say…

When writing a sympathy note or talking with the family, it may be difficult to know what to say or how to say it.   First, say from your heart what you feel.  Expressions of your compassionate concern, whether spoken or written, are gifts to the family—you may never know how meaningful they are and how uplifting they can be to the ones grieving.

There are widely used and accepted phrases (such as “my thoughts and prayers are with you”) to express your condolences.  But if you simply frame your comments from your feelings of caring concern and your intent is to honor the one deceased, your heartfelt message will be conveyed.  Also, if you have a fond memory about the deceased, share this with them; it expresses how much their loved one meant to you.  It’s important to the family to know that their loved one is not forgotten.

Or, if you didn’t know the deceased well, but want to express your condolences to the bereaved family, keep your message simple.  One quote that brought me great comfort is “Fond memories make warm companions”.

 Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

When do you reach the point in your grieving that you feel blessed by the experience?

When do you transcend sorrow to feel gratitude?  Gratitude for having loved and shared experiences that formed fond memories.  Gratitude for feeling emotions, good & bad, along the way. Gratitude for your life being altered when your loved one entered it, and again forever changed when he left. 

When does pain transform to serenity?  When do you feel acceptance; a calm following the tumultuous torrent of emotions?  When does an inner stillness arrive; a knowing that you have arrived at a place of feeling blessed?

Blessed, in part, for having survived the storm of losing your loved one and the ensuing darkness of grief.  Passing through looming shadows that cloaked your joy and hope.

Finding peace at this place in your grief journey and with whom you’ve become along the way…wrapped in serenity.  The same serenity felt when watching the sun slip below the horizon as the day comes to a close, and feeling blessed by its gift.

Blessed by an altered perspective that only comes as a result of loss. As a leaf buds in the spring to flower to full growth, then changes color in autumn to finally fall away in winter, so is your life…a changing landscape.  You are blessed by the cycles and contrast each stage offers—lessons to be gathered as bouquets of flowers.  Pick them gently and reflect upon their beauty.

So, in grieving, you pass through cycles and rhythms and arrive at some point at peace…at acceptance…at gratitude…at feeling blessed for having loved.  Embrace that peacefulness and feel the serenity of acceptance.

Your love hasn’t died—it has only transformed.  Blessings await you each time you choose to honor your love and your loved one.  Feel blessed to watch another sunrise as it offers the promise of a new day of hope and a new bend in your journey. 

Blessed, indeed…

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

Can you see it?  A glimmer, a ray of light, a promise of what’s at the edge of midnight.  Hope…a new beginning…a new dawn.

Grief holds us close to its breast, and just when we’re in the midst of our darkest hour, we feel a sensation, a stirring, an awareness. A feeling that while an ending has occurred, a new beginning is emerging from the spiral of life and death.

A new beginning that may be as faint as the sliver of morning before the sunrise.  Hold onto this hope and let it carry you from the darkness of grief that has engulfed you for the past weeks and months.  Look away from the darkness that is the deepest just before the dawn.   Reach out to the light and the promise of a new you.

Our path through this life is often a solo journey.  Many may join us for periods along the way, converging …weaving together through time and then departing.  But our personal journey begins alone and ends alone.  Listen to the stillness of that aloneness and find your center within that stillness. You will never be lonely within that center.  Alone, perhaps, but always surrounded by the knowing that a new dawn, a new beginning awaits you.

As the chrysalis transforms into a new creature, you too can become the butterfly that has been forming within the darkness.  Use this cocooning time you’ve had to deal with your grief, and experience your emotions.  Then, in your own time, emerge from the shell into a brilliant new day. . .your day; your morning; your new beginning.  Let this emergence become the dawn of your new life.

While you may never envisioned that you would be here, alone, you have a choice.  You can choose to reach out to a new beginning, or remain locked in grief’s embrace.  An embrace that brings no warmth or comfort.  Realize that grief will never fully release you.  Because we have loved, we will always grieve for what we have lost.

Your choice lies in honoring your loved one and moving forward, or remaining immobilized by the overwhelming pain stemming from the stark reality of your loss.  As you now stand at the edge of midnight, turn toward the dawning of your new day of hope.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 A labyrinth is an ancient symbol that relates to wholeness.  It combines the imagery of the circle and the spiral into a meandering but purposeful path.  The concept of the labyrinth began in ancient times and has become an archetype for the course of life’s journey.  It offers only one path to take in spite of its twists and turns…a path that leads to the center then back out again.  There is only one choice to be made…to enter or not.  We are all on the path that will eventually lead us into wholeness…like the labyrinth, our life has only one path.  It is up to us to enter…or not. 

At the opening of the labyrinth of grief lies an invitation.  An invitation to explore your grief as you wind through its spirals—much like life itself, a constant rhythm of living that eventually leads to dying.  Perhaps it is similar to the journey you and your loved one experienced.  Explore your emotions along the spirals on the way to the center—the point of transition.  The labyrinth’s confines offer opportunities to be close to your loved one and celebrate your lives’ experiences. . .to savor your joys shared over the years from a vantage point that few are blessed to witness.

See the labyrinth’s path strewn with small treasures to reflect upon—pick up the pieces of your shared past and relive the memories of your family, your dreams, and your love.  Although reliving the past without a future to share is almost an impossible task to undertake, blessings beyond measure await you if you have the courage and strength to examine and explore your emotions and feelings at this sacred time.

The center point symbolizes transition.  Your loved one has departed, but the love you shared is eternal.  Wrap yourself in that loving thought as you begin the return journey alone.

As you move from the labyrinth’s center, you may be in your own spiral of emotional sorrow as well as gratitude.  Although you are simply retracing the path you just walked, you may feel that you are embarking upon a different journey, and moving at a much different pace.  On the return, the spirals grow outward in larger, peaceful circles with less urgency.  You may choose to linger at certain places along each spiral as long as needed in order to do the healing work for that point in your journey.

As you pick up the treasured memories along the return path, you can appreciate them from a new vantage point—retrospective, and alone.  You are now seeing through a veil of loss that adds an extra dimension to life not seen before.

Your return trip through grief’s labyrinth has no timeline.  You will wind your way through the spirals at your own pace.  Some days you may feel further from the center of grief than others, as you continue to turn over the treasures of memories and related emotions each day. 

Grief is not linear—it is not measured by time and distance from your loved one’s death.  Grief is shaped by the rhythm of emotion and life.

Sharon Clark

www.grieflinterlude.com

 At this time, you may be feeling a loss so insurmountable and overwhelming that you can’t imagine how you’re going to survive, how you’re going to go on without your loved one.   

How is it possible that you’re in this place?  How did it happen?  And, why?

Many questions with few answers right now.  You’re in a place of grief and a space of not knowing what is ahead for you.  Grief immobilizes. It holds you in a place you not only don’t want to be, but many times feel as though you can’t move beyond.  Its enormity has such power to keep you in its grip that you’re blinded in a fog of despair, unable to see your way out.  Unknowing, fear, sadness and loneliness keep you in that vortex of grief, suspended in pain from your loss.

How do you move from this point of overwhelming loss?  How do you move beyond your pain to peace? Finding your way from this point of loss through your grief ahead may seem an impossible task.  There are no maps for you; there is only your knowing that can be found amidst the tears.

It may be a solo journey for you now, but you’re not really alone.  Your loved one’s presence is around you…reach out to draw comfort and sustenance from it.  Reach out for the strength and courage to face each morning, each evening, and the moments between.

Be still in these moments of grief as you are passing through them. . . . don’t rush.  There are feelings and emotions that need to be acknowledged and experienced now. . .be still and listen to your heart.

Honor your loved one who has moved across the threshold to another place, and find comfort in the joys shared over your years together.  Remember your shared life…remember your shared love.  By reliving fond memories, you may help transform your grief into peace.   Someone once said that fond memories make warm companions…a truth indeed.

As your tears of grief pour out, feel your emotions, and honor yourself as well as your loved one.  Allow yourself to reach out to those around you and let them share in your grieving.  Let them show their care and concern for you at this time.  Receive their gifts of comfort graciously as you would receive a warm embrace.

During this time you may find that it takes a great deal of courage and inner strength to just get out of bed and put your feet on the floor each morning. Remember that each step you take is helping you to heal the emotional pain you are now experiencing.

Trust your inner voice to lead you on your journey through your grief…you know the answers to the questions, you simply need to be still and listen…listen.

Amidst the tears is healing for your heart.  

Amidst the tears is cleansing for your pain.

Amidst the tears lies your doorway—push beyond your seeming limits to the new possibilities that await you.   

Reach out and open the door to your new day of honor and loving remembrance for your loved one.   

Open the door to your new day of healing and hope that lies amidst the tears.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com