Finding Our Place
July 30, 2010
When we lose a loved one, we may also feel that we lose a part of ourself, our identity, our place in life. Many times our world is literally turned upside down, and we feel lost. What now? How do we find where we now “fit”?
It’s like being part of a jigsaw puzzle that has been overturned, leaving the pieces scattered. The place where our piece fit in so snugly before is now missing…the picture has been broken apart…the old “normal” is gone.
Finding that missing slot where we now fit may involve trial & error on our part. Our circle of friends may have changed; and almost always, our family dynamics have shifted. As someone so aptly said, “the only thing constant in life is change.”
So, this “new normal” that we must identify can be challenging. Many times it feels alien—we had a life—one we were comfortable in—one in which we had made our “place”—acted out our roles–knew what to expect—and most importantly, how to feel. But in this new normal, we may find that we don’t know anything—what to do, who we’re becoming nor how we feel.
Re-establishing our “place” is a process…one that may be different for each of us. Reaching out to friends and family, seeking counseling, asking for spiritual guidance, sharing our story are some ways to find support. But almost always it involves taking time to be quiet and looking within to find our answers to define our new normal, and our new life.
We have changed as we’ve traveled our grief journey; we have been transformed without our loved one in our life. But we can also draw comfort from the love we’ve shared and know that what we’ve learned on our journey shapes us each day as we make choices for our new reality. And, we can take comfort in knowing that a new puzzle waits for us to slip into our slot, and once again fit into a new puzzle picture…a new life…a new place.
Sharon Clark
7/30/10
The Power of Words…
June 28, 2010
Earlier today I was thinking about words and how they have the power to transport us through our daily lives. Sometimes when we are grieving, we put up a protective barrier to help shield us from feelings because they are too painful, and we block some of the comforting “words” that may come our way.
While trying to avoid pain is understandable, I have found that words can be transformative; and if we allow them in, they can offer a framework for us to really “feel” our emotions. And through these experiences, we can begin to heal.
Words can open a door to a comforting setting; provide a peaceful interlude from our grieving. They can allow us to paint pictures in our mind and create a safe place to be with our grief; and within this safe place, we find a knowing that we will ultimately be OK.
Words also hold the power to change our physiological responses—and, in the process we can transform sorrow into fond memories where we can focus on our shared love, and not just on our loss.
Words hold the key that can unlock a new reality, and create a space where healing can enter and thrive. May you receive and welcome comforting words today.
Sharon Clark
Experience the Grief Interlude Series Meditations
Health & Wellness for Those Grieving
April 29, 2010
Each day it seems that new results are being released about our nation’s health & wellness. The news, however, doesn’t seem to be positive; obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure occurring in all segments of our population at alarmingly high rates. The latest study reports that chronic conditions, as those noted above, affect almost HALF of our population…sobering statistics indeed!
Which leads me to discuss health & wellness conditions for another population segment: those who are grieving. Sometimes when we are lost in our grief, the last thing on our minds is taking care of ourselves, or being attentive to our well-being. The ongoing need for eating healthy meals and getting physical exercise may not always register in our blurred awareness or be a priority…our “normal” life has been altered, so why should we try to go on as usual?
We may not have an appetite; we may not feel like going to the gym or out for a walk; we may not be sleeping well. All these physical changes impact our mental & emotional bodies as well. Our relationships suffer…we’re not “ourselves” with family, friends & coworkers. An unfortunate and unhealthy cycle of stress and distress infiltrates our body and life.
So, how do we begin to recognize this, much less have the presence of mind and energy to address and remedy it? Maybe it starts by simply taking time to be aware of what’s happening, or not happening, in our daily routine and consciously making an effort to take a break from grieving…just for a few moments to experience some stillness. Perhaps in these moments of calm, we can find the clarity to understand and accept that we are still here…alive…in our life…and we need to take care of ourselves physically, mentally & emotionally..
If you aren’t the one grieving, reach out and be a supportive friend: take a walk together; deliver a healthy meal; extend your emotional support by offering a sympathetic ear. Many times that’s all that’s needed to break the unhealthy cycle of grieving…an empathetic gesture to show that someone cares.
Sharon Clark
An Epidemic of Loss
April 1, 2010
Is there an epidemic of “loss” in our society today—is it the “forgotten” illness afflicting millions? How many suffering from grief & loss actually receive any tools for treatment or find support to help?
Good questions…there seems to be so little discussed or written about loss in proportion to the suffering…few resources dedicated to it….why is that? Is it because death or loss is uncomfortable not only for those who are experiencing it, but also uncomfortable to those who aren’t? Is it because we just assume that someone who is feeling grief or loss will simply “get over it”…that it will just take care of itself….after all, “time heals all wounds” or so we’re left to be comforted with. Well, grief is not like the common cold wherein we just tough it out a few days and it disappears; grief is chronic, and time does not magically erase the pain.
Just as with any other human emotion, grief ripples out into our lives, into our society in concentric circles…the pain of loss, confusion of what to do, the anger with no outlet, the helplessness of our inability to have affected the outcome. All these negative emotions related to grief spill over into the daily lives of those grieving and touch their family, their friends, their coworkers, and their community.
Yet grief is probably one of the most misunderstood and least discussed topics in our society—we are a grief-illiterate nation. Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them. Which leads to the question: WHY as a society aren’t we doing more to offer resources and support to those grieving? As noted earlier, grief is “uncomfortable”, and we don’t want to think about it; but, we’re ALL going to experience it since we ALL lose loved ones….all of us will die, and all of us will grieve. It’s the common denominator of living…and loving.
So, instead of ignoring the inevitability of it, let’s ENCOURAGE meaningful dialogue; let’s PROVIDE resources; let’s OFFER tools to help people cope with their grief. And, yes, grieving is painful, but let’s not ignore it. Let’s find ways to get through our grief together in order to become “loss survivors”!
Sharon Clark
Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.
YouTube video links
January 25, 2010
Use these links to view YouTube videos from Grief Interlude:
Sympathy Gift Suggestion: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHaGTXjHHtg
Guided meditations that can be used as a sympathy gift or grief support for those who are grieving.
Sympathy Gift Etiquette: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N_2VhHfgvBM
Suggestions for how and when to send sympathy gifts that are meaningful to the family following the loss of a loved one.
Guided Meditation & Grief Support: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1qMzMhqIC4g
Educates about guided meditation & how its imagery can assist those who are grieving the loss of a loved one.
Sharon Clark
Sympathy Gift Etiquette
September 17, 2009
Flowers have long been the traditional way to send your condolences, but there are other ways to express your feelings at a time of loss that becomes a lasting expression of your caring concern. Sympathy gifts can run the gambit from donations to a favorite charity in the name of the deceased to a care basket filled with comforting teas and books. The Grief Interlude SeriesTM set of guided meditation CDs is another item that can be a “self-help” tool that offers the bereaved family comfort and a respite from grieving during the first year following the loss.
After the funeral is over….
Sometimes a sympathy gift delivered after the funeral is over is more meaningful to the family. Many times during the funeral planning and service there are so many activities, the family is functioning in a numb, robotic state. Anytime within the first year after a death it is appropriate to send a message of sympathy and support. This can be especially welcome a couple of weeks following the service when the family may benefit from knowing that they aren’t forgotten and will welcome reminders and assurances that their grief journey is not traveled alone.
Another acknowledgement…
You may feel that even though you sent a sympathy card at the time of loss it might not be appropriate to send a sympathy gift a bit later. Grief can be acknowledged more than once or in more than one specific way. By reaching out to the bereaved family at various times following their loss you are demonstrating your care and concern for them during their grief journey which doesn’t end at the funeral service. Your ongoing care will be appreciated more than you may know.
What to say…
When writing a sympathy note or talking with the family, it may be difficult to know what to say or how to say it. First, say from your heart what you feel. Expressions of your compassionate concern, whether spoken or written, are gifts to the family—you may never know how meaningful they are and how uplifting they can be to the ones grieving.
There are widely used and accepted phrases (such as “my thoughts and prayers are with you”) to express your condolences. But if you simply frame your comments from your feelings of caring concern and your intent is to honor the one deceased, your heartfelt message will be conveyed. Also, if you have a fond memory about the deceased, share this with them; it expresses how much their loved one meant to you. It’s important to the family to know that their loved one is not forgotten.
Or, if you didn’t know the deceased well, but want to express your condolences to the bereaved family, keep your message simple. One quote that brought me great comfort is “Fond memories make warm companions”.
Sharon Clark
In Lieu Of Flowers
April 27, 2009
“In lieu of”—what does that phrase mean to you? We typically see this phrase in funeral announcements that says “In lieu of flowers, donations are being accepted” for a particular religious or charity organization.
I wonder if you would consider “in lieu of” in an alternative way; one that acknowledges the grieving person and family in a lasting manner? Of course, the various funeral flower arrangement services, 1-800-Flowers, FTD.com, Teleflora, Funeralflowers.com, all provide lovely floral tributes. But what expresses your sentiments to the family after the flowers have faded?
The Grief Interlude Series contains compassionate expressions of caring concern inviting listeners to step into the stillness of a guided meditation. The meditations are designed to offer a brief respite and restorative interlude from grieving the loss of a love one. They may enhance the listener’s ability to reduce stress, provide inner calm and improve day-to-day coping skills.
This gift can act as your acknowledgement of sympathy and ongoing concern being expressed to the grieving ones left behind. By offering a self-help tool that can be used at their discretion in coping with the confusion, pain and stress associated with the loss of a loved one, you are providing a lasting reminder of your care and concern.
