// BLOG
Finding Our Place
July 30, 2010
When we lose a loved one, we may also feel that we lose a part of ourself, our identity, our place in life. Many times our world is literally turned upside down, and we feel lost. What now? How do we find where we now “fit”?
It’s like being part of a jigsaw puzzle that has been overturned, leaving the pieces scattered. The place where our piece fit in so snugly before is now missing…the picture has been broken apart…the old “normal” is gone.
Finding that missing slot where we now fit may involve trial & error on our part. Our circle of friends may have changed; and almost always, our family dynamics have shifted. As someone so aptly said, “the only thing constant in life is change.”
So, this “new normal” that we must identify can be challenging. Many times it feels alien—we had a life—one we were comfortable in—one in which we had made our “place”—acted out our roles–knew what to expect—and most importantly, how to feel. But in this new normal, we may find that we don’t know anything—what to do, who we’re becoming nor how we feel.
Re-establishing our “place” is a process…one that may be different for each of us. Reaching out to friends and family, seeking counseling, asking for spiritual guidance, sharing our story are some ways to find support. But almost always it involves taking time to be quiet and looking within to find our answers to define our new normal, and our new life.
We have changed as we’ve traveled our grief journey; we have been transformed without our loved one in our life. But we can also draw comfort from the love we’ve shared and know that what we’ve learned on our journey shapes us each day as we make choices for our new reality. And, we can take comfort in knowing that a new puzzle waits for us to slip into our slot, and once again fit into a new puzzle picture…a new life…a new place.
Sharon Clark
7/30/10
Radio Interview
July 4, 2010
We were recently interviewed on the internet radio show “Wisdom of the Labyrinth” & had the opportunity to share some of our story and information about The Grief Interlude Series set of CD’s. The link to take you to the radio show is: http://www.voiceamerica.com/voiceamerica/vepisode.aspx?aid=47078
(Please cut & paste it in your browser if it isn’t active when you click on it.)
I hope you’ll take some time to listen and share with others who might benefit from learning more about ways to help support their grief and the power of the labyrinth.
Thanks & blessings,
The Power of Words…
June 28, 2010
Earlier today I was thinking about words and how they have the power to transport us through our daily lives. Sometimes when we are grieving, we put up a protective barrier to help shield us from feelings because they are too painful, and we block some of the comforting “words” that may come our way.
While trying to avoid pain is understandable, I have found that words can be transformative; and if we allow them in, they can offer a framework for us to really “feel” our emotions. And through these experiences, we can begin to heal.
Words can open a door to a comforting setting; provide a peaceful interlude from our grieving. They can allow us to paint pictures in our mind and create a safe place to be with our grief; and within this safe place, we find a knowing that we will ultimately be OK.
Words also hold the power to change our physiological responses—and, in the process we can transform sorrow into fond memories where we can focus on our shared love, and not just on our loss.
Words hold the key that can unlock a new reality, and create a space where healing can enter and thrive. May you receive and welcome comforting words today.
Sharon Clark
Experience the Grief Interlude Series Meditations
LOSS SURVIVOR Team Info
May 4, 2010
We recently decided to assemble a team to participate in the St. Louis Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure that’s to be held on 6/12/10. Our team’s motto is “Be a Loss Survivor”! The inspiration for this came from our family’s loss of loved ones to cancer. Understandably, the focus of the race’s fundraising efforts is about becoming breast cancer survivors and celebrating that fact! Unfortunately, not everyone diagnosed with breast cancer survives, so our team is here to honor our loved ones who fought the battle but didn’t win. We want to encourage all those left behind to become “loss survivors” by celebrating the lives & love they shared with their loved ones. And, to help them find ways to navigate through their feelings of loss while on their grief journey.
It’s also about recognizing that there is loss on many levels when cancer enters a life; loss of time with your family, loss of energy to live your life fully, loss of some of your identity. And on the flip side of that, your loved ones’ loss of “you”; time not spent reading a bedtime story, not making a soccer game, not feeling intimate, not sharing time with friends. Loss of some engagement in life…the loss of “normal”.
Our family found that grief and loss are still misunderstood and seldom discussed topics in our society. Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them. But it seems that no one really wants to talk about it…it’s painful….they don’t know what to say…but just as we all love, we all lose loved ones. So instead of ignoring loss, let’s encourage meaningful dialogue; let’s provide support resources; let’s offer tools to help people cope with the grief and loss. Let’s find ways to get through it together in order to say: “I’m a Loss Survivor”!
Our team is comprised of members who have felt loss in some way—some of their loved ones survived, and others didn’t. This is simply an attempt to raise awareness that loss comes with cancer; unfortunately, sometimes that’s loss of life, but almost always there’s some loss of “you”. And, by acknowledging that loss, promoting dialogue and finding meaningful ways to support it, we can celebrate life and become “Loss Survivors”!
If you would like to make a donation, please go to: www.komenstlouis./race and choose the “Loss Survivors” team. We appreciate your support!
Sharon Clark
Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.
Lessons from the Labyrinth
May 3, 2010
Although the second CD in The Grief Interlude Series was inspired by a labyrinth walk, I am relatively new to experiencing them. While the insights gained weren’t centered specifically on grief, I wanted to share one I did recently…
The path toward the labyrinth was lined with cedar trees, standing as sentinels for my passage. They felt so familiar and reassuring to me—their aroma provided a bridge to memories as a little girl who spent so much time in “my” cedar tree. It acted as my sanctuary, and offered a place to explore my capabilities and views of the world around me.
Honeysuckle bushes in bloom arched over the labyrinth’s entrance, fragrant and welcoming. The labyrinth lay before me, a series of spirals nestled within a circle. Although I couldn’t recognize a pattern from standing at the entrance, I realized that my brain unconsciously noted a series of four quadrants as I moved throughout. The series of paths within were designed in places to switch back upon themselves—some portions longer than others, and some abruptly turning…much like life’s unexpected turns.
Given the labyrinth’s design, I moved rhythmically through the spirals but couldn’t really tell how far I had traveled. Nor could I assess how far it was until I reached the center…my steps were being guided, but my sense was that I simply put one foot in front of the other moving along the path before me. An act that many of us seldom surrender to…one in which we give over control. I found myself practicing the art of “surrender” after the first few circuits for I didn’t need to know how far I had come or how far to go; it was about where I was.
As I moved through the circuits toward the center, I couldn’t always tell exactly where I was within the labyrinth with respect to distance, but I could always sense the center. It reinforced the lesson in knowing that when I become quiet and return to MY center, I don’t really need to know anything more than that. For within that sacred center, lies all our questions…and all our answers.
I moved along the paths at varying paces—sometimes faster and some slower to reflect upon my thoughts or the perspective provided at that point. In sections, the path turned back on itself almost immediately and I found myself viewing the path I had just walked…even though I was looking ahead, I was looking back…a revealing experience for me, almost as though they were happening simultaneously…maybe everything is? And while my orientation within the labyrinth changed as I moved through it, my perspective also shifted as I wound through the quadrants, but I was essentially covering the same ground as I had walked before. Maybe that’s like repeating life’s lessons until we finally “get it”!
The paths were strewn with debris from thunder storms earlier in the week, and there were some weeds growing among the lovely spring flowers blooming in various sections. Somehow this imperfection comforted me…life is never perfectly manicured, is it? I spotted an oval of brilliant blue on the path ahead and discovered it to be a robin’s eggshell—only Mother Nature could create that unique hue! Its broken shell made me think about the fragility of life, but it also represented new life springing forth filled with hope…rebirth. Sometimes I have to shed my “shells” and put down my masks to allow the authentic me to emerge.
After spending quiet moments at the labyrinth’s center, I retraced the steps just taken. At one point as I wound toward the entrance, I thought that I could simply step over the stone dividers and shorten my journey—my overdeveloped impatient nature showing—but then came the thought that even when we want to take shortcuts rather than finish the journey, we must do the work. I’ve learned that “the only way out is through”. I also noted as I walked parallel to the entrance, I was “so close” to it but yet “so far away”! Not only had I already traveled far within the labyrinth, I also had distance ahead until the journey was complete…a reminder that as long as we breathe, life continues to gift us opportunities to grow and evolve.
Patience was a recurring theme as I noted the sun disappearing behind clouds momentarily, darkening my path. It occurred to me that sometimes the “light unto our feet” may not be as bright as we would like during certain periods, but just as the sun, the guidance is always there behind the clouds waiting to re-emerge as a beacon for us. We haven’t been abandoned, but must simply invite and await its return.
As the labyrinth, life is never a straight path—it always has twists and turns. Sometimes I spend too much time looking back over where I’ve been, or too much invested in looking ahead to where I’m going. But, only in finding peace in where I am do I open a space allowing grace to enter, showing me appreciation for this moment and gratitude for being right where I am. Another lesson from the labyrinth…
Sharon Clark
5/3/10
