When we lose a loved one, we may also feel that we lose a part of ourself, our identity, our place in life. Many times our world is literally turned upside down, and we feel lost. What now? How do we find where we now “fit”?
It’s like being part of a jigsaw puzzle that has been overturned, leaving the pieces scattered. The place where our piece fit in so snugly before is now missing…the picture has been broken apart…the old “normal” is gone.
Finding that missing slot where we now fit may involve trial & error on our part. Our circle of friends may have changed; and almost always, our family dynamics have shifted. As someone so aptly said, “the only thing constant in life is change.”
So, this “new normal” that we must identify can be challenging. Many times it feels alien—we had a life—one we were comfortable in—one in which we had made our “place”—acted out our roles–knew what to expect—and most importantly, how to feel. But in this new normal, we may find that we don’t know anything—what to do, who we’re becoming nor how we feel.
Re-establishing our “place” is a process…one that may be different for each of us. Reaching out to friends and family, seeking counseling, asking for spiritual guidance, sharing our story are some ways to find support. But almost always it involves taking time to be quiet and looking within to find our answers to define our new normal, and our new life.
We have changed as we’ve traveled our grief journey; we have been transformed without our loved one in our life. But we can also draw comfort from the love we’ve shared and know that what we’ve learned on our journey shapes us each day as we make choices for our new reality. And, we can take comfort in knowing that a new puzzle waits for us to slip into our slot, and once again fit into a new puzzle picture…a new life…a new place.
Sharon Clark
7/30/10
