Monthly Archives: April 2010

Health & Wellness for Those Grieving

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Each day it seems that new results are being released about our nation’s health & wellness.  The news, however, doesn’t seem to be positive; obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure occurring in all segments of our population at alarmingly high rates.  The latest study reports that chronic conditions, as those noted above, affect almost HALF of our population…sobering statistics indeed!

Which leads me to discuss health & wellness conditions for another population segment:  those who are grieving.  Sometimes when we are lost in our grief, the last thing on our minds is taking care of ourselves, or being attentive to our well-being.  The ongoing need for eating healthy meals and getting physical exercise may not always register in our blurred awareness or be a priority…our “normal” life has been altered, so why should we try to go on as usual?

We may not have an appetite; we may not feel like going to the gym or out for a walk; we may not be sleeping well.  All these physical changes impact our mental & emotional bodies as well.  Our relationships suffer…we’re not “ourselves” with family, friends & coworkers.  An unfortunate and unhealthy cycle of stress and distress infiltrates our body and life. 

So, how do we begin to recognize this, much less have the presence of mind and energy to address and remedy it?  Maybe it starts by simply taking time to be aware of what’s happening, or not happening, in our daily routine and consciously making an effort to take a break from grieving…just for a few moments to experience some stillness.  Perhaps in these moments of calm, we can find the clarity to understand and accept that we are still here…alive…in our life…and we need to take care of ourselves physically, mentally & emotionally..

If you aren’t the one grieving, reach out and be a supportive friend: take a walk together; deliver a healthy meal; extend your emotional support by offering a sympathetic ear.  Many times that’s all that’s needed to break the unhealthy cycle of grieving…an empathetic gesture to show that someone cares.

Sharon Clark

www.griefinterlude.com

 

 

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Being Present in our Grief

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Something I heard earlier this week prompted me to think about how often we tend not to be “present” in our lives….either living in the past or dreaming about the future.  The same can be true when we grieve, for grief really involves looking back over what was & mourning that loss, but also yearning for the “unlived” portion of what would have been with our loved one had they not died. 

The pain over losing what “might have been” is especially tender; as humans, we all have shared hopes and dreams:  a retirement to enjoy together; a wedding not yet planned; a baby yet to be born.  These future events, only imagined, are ingredients of the “grief stew” that blends what was with what wasn’t.  This stew then simmers as we grieve, bubbling with images of lost hopes and dreams and loving memories.

Just as we can find ourselves not living in the present, we can also find ourselves not grieving in the present.  For it hurts…to be right here, right now in this place of grief.  Grieving is many things, but sometimes the most distinguishing feature is that it’s painful.  And, as in other areas of our lives, we may try to dull the pain, get numb, and take the edge off.  We avoid the present.  But, until we stand “amidst the tears” and immerse ourselves with what is in this moment, we can’t move beyond.

Grieving is an active progression through grief—it is a journey of paths that wind around our feelings and emotions leading through both painful & joyous memories.  Its path is uncharted and unique for each person.  It’s shorter for some than others, but the “sameness” is the fact that we are all changed by having traveled it.  For in making the journey we uncover more about ourselves, and more about living…right here, right now, in the present.

Sharon Clark

4/18/2010

www.griefinterlude.com

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An Epidemic of Loss

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Is there an epidemic of “loss” in our society today—is it the “forgotten” illness afflicting millions?  How many suffering from grief & loss actually receive any tools for treatment or find support to help? 

Good questions…there seems to be so little discussed or written about loss in proportion to the suffering…few resources dedicated to it….why is that?  Is it because death or loss is uncomfortable not only for those who are experiencing it, but also uncomfortable to those who aren’t?  Is it because we just assume that someone who is feeling grief or loss will simply “get over it”…that it will just take care of itself….after all, “time heals all wounds” or so we’re left to be comforted with.  Well, grief is not like the common cold wherein we just tough it out a few days and it disappears; grief is chronic, and time does not magically erase the pain. 

Just as with any other human emotion, grief ripples out into our lives, into our society in concentric circles…the pain of loss, confusion of what to do, the anger with no outlet, the helplessness of our inability to have affected the outcome.  All these negative emotions related to grief spill over into the daily lives of those grieving and touch their family, their friends, their coworkers, and their community.   

Yet grief is probably one of the most misunderstood and least discussed topics in our society—we are a grief-illiterate nation.  Not only does grief leave its indelible mark on those who are feeling their loss, but it also touches everyone around them.  Which leads to the question:  WHY as a society aren’t we doing more to offer resources and support to those grieving?  As noted earlier, grief is “uncomfortable”, and we don’t want to think about it; but, we’re ALL going to experience it since we ALL lose loved ones….all of us will die, and all of us will grieve.  It’s the common denominator of living…and loving.

So, instead of ignoring the inevitability of it, let’s ENCOURAGE meaningful dialogue; let’s PROVIDE resources; let’s OFFER tools to help people cope with their grief.  And, yes, grieving is painful, but let’s not ignore it.  Let’s find ways to get through our grief together in order to become “loss survivors”! 

Sharon Clark

Promote Awareness…Advocacy…Aid.

www.griefinterlude.com

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